Chick Fight

I realize that I haven't posted in forever and why is a post for another day.

Today is all about the chick fight I want to get into with the bitch in our main office.

We don't have an HR person. Instead we have the VP of Money and the Bitch of Payroll. I have walked a very fine line with the Bitch of Payroll for a long ass time. I kiss her ass and pretend that I don't think she fucked something up everytime I ask her to fix my guy's paychecks. I talk sweetly to her and kiss her ginormous ass and everytime I'm at the main office I devote 30 minutes to listening to her tell me ALL about her life.

Yesterday I had a migraine from hell. I mean can't-lift-your-head-off-the-pillow-the-husbands-voice-is-needles-through-your-skull-the-light-from-the-crack-in-the-closet-door-is-a-knife-through-your-closed-eyes-and-fuck-dealing-with-children-because-everytime-you-think-about-getting-up-the-world-spins-and-you-vomit migraine. And our company has this beautiful policy of "no doctor's note no pay" for sick days. It makes me want to bring a note from my mommy as well. (In fact if I ever won the lottery that's what I'd do. I'd take a sick day and come back to work with a note from my mommy instead of the doctor and when they bitched about that I'd bring a doctor's note with no diagnosis on it and tell them how fucking ILLEGAL they are being by making me have a diagnosis on my sick note from my mommy doctor.)
Anyway. So yesterday as I was contemplating how much I shouldn't be driving to go to the doctor I thought that maybe there was a form that I could turn in from a doctor saying that I have been diagnosed with migraines and might miss work from time to time for them and maybe that would count as my doctors note. So in my foggy head it seemed like a good idea to call and ask the Bitch of Payroll. Notsomuch.

I won't lie to you and say that I was pleasant. I was in pain. But I did apologize to her several times for my waspishness, and she said "Oh don't worry about it, I get migraines too!!" and then she told me that I could a) go to the doctor and bring back a note b)not go to the doctor and ask Red-neck Boss if I could use a vacation day (which I need for Bean's surgery) or c) not get paid.

And we got off the phone and she immediately called Anal Boss to complain because I called her.

So today I got pulled into Red-neck Boss's office to ask me about my phone call with the Bitch of Payroll.

Seriously?!?!? Payroll is a people centric job. If you cannot talk to people without getting your panties in a wad YOU SHOULD NOT DO IT.

I think maybe I should file a complaint because the Bitch of Payroll said hello to me last week and that's not following the chain of command. She needs to tell the VP of Money to tell Anal Boss to tell Red-neck Boss that she said hello.

And this is why I hate working with women.

In the Sense of the Word

I had an epiphany yesterday.

I'm fucking annoying. And not in the mildly obnoxious sense of the word, but in the "wow, I want to stab that woman in the eye with a spoon" sense of the word.

Fuck.

I was talking to this bitch at work (and I mean that in the, she's a bitch, not she's a woman & I'm being a bitch sense of that word), and I realized that I say "so" ALOT.

I mean I've noticed it in my blogging, and it might scare you to know that I edit out a good 2/3 of my "so's", but there's still an ass load of them. But I had never noticed how much I say "so" when I talk. It's like this:

Bitch: How's it going in your office?

Me: Well, they can't make up their minds about anything, so.....

Bitch: I know how that is. Are there any other women down there?

Me: There's just Ms. Man, but she doesn't really count, so.....

Bitch: I know it's hard to get along with all the different personalities

Me: Oh yeah, but with women it's even worse, I won't let Anal Boss hire women anymore, so.........

Obviously that's a seriously edited conversation, but I shit you not, it was like every single fucking sentence had a "so" on the end. I was ready to gouge my OWN eye out with a spoon!!

I've never noticed it before, but yesterday it was like Pee-Wee's Playhouse, and everytime I said it there were flashing lights and sirens - because it was the fucking word of the day!!