The Pathetic Whiny Sidekick

I told y'all that I've been watching "The Alexander Skarsgard Naked Show" ..

Well, today I finished Season 3 (the most recent season) and decided that I hate Tara.

She's the heroine's best friend. And at first I really liked her because she was sassy and spunky and even though she had a fucked up co-dependant relationship with her mom, she was still a good friend, and when drunk, fun to be around.

But then she got herself into an impossible situation and cried about it. And somehow, someone pulled her out of said impossible situation and she cried because they did.

And as soon as you think she's done watering the grass.. lather, rinse, repeat..

Yeah, I'm tired of Tara.

And then I thought..

Fuck, I'm the pathetic, whiny side-kick.

Here I am all spunky and sassy and fun when mixed with alcohol. But then you've got my co-dependant relationship with my mother and impossible situation after impossible situation and someone has to come pull Jenn's ass out of the fire again.

Fuck.

And now I'm thinking about it, and who's the hero??

Bean?? Miley?? Connie?? Hero??

No idea.

Anyrambling..

If I'm going to be the pathetic whiny side-kick who always fucks up and needs the hero to come in and save them because they're too stupid to realize that if they just never left the house (or maybe got a new best friend) that all the crazy ass shit would stop happening, can I at least be like Angel and get my own show eventually??

Things I Learned When I Wasn't Blogging

I can't believe that its been almost a month since I posted anything.. I'm so sorry!!

It's been so crazy around here!!

I'm not fully back, because I still have a bunch of craziness to mess with, but I thought I would let y'all know I'm still alive, and post up a little randomness..

• Doctors are stupid.
• And just because Google says you should be prescribed a certain drug for whatever illness does not mean you actually will be.
• Pharmacies and Insurance Companies are stupider. They have a really hard time understanding that normal people don't have an extra $400 lying around to spend on medication.
• I still love Christmas, and now that all 7 of my trees are up (yes, 7 - though the way the kids count it, there's 10) I can't wait for next year when I get to buy new decorations.
• Having been married to Bean for a year is a little odd. It feels like yesterday, but it also feels like we've been married forever. I don't really know how to describe it, but I like it.
• Children are evil. They'll bully anyone that's different in any way, and when you add that fact in with Oliver's outstanding uniqueness, its a recipe for disaster.
• School administrators are morons. And unless a parent throws a very large hissy fit, they don't pay attention to anything.
• I'm pretty good at throwing hissy fits.
• My sister is a bitch. My mother is a pushover. Combine those two things and you get a family gathering being hosted by me on Monday, when I have to work both Monday and Tuesday.
• Tallulah needs a physical Christmas list so that she can't change her mind 55 times in the last two weeks leading up to Christmas. She also needs to note on said list exactly who she's telling she wants what. Especially when she's asking both Grandmas for $100 dolls.
• Oliver should never be allowed to browse for cool things online. Especially when he actually gets money. He could bankrupt himself in a very short amount of time.
• Cold weather makes Bean hurt. Alot.
• I hate working with women. They throw little fits over the stupidest shit and then post it on facebook for the world to see.

That about sums it up. I expect to be back a little next week, and then fully functional after Christmas.

Blog Fodder or A Million Lies and No Truth

I'm coming to realize that I bitch about my starter husband Perry a lot on here.

It's not really because I'm bitter, it's because I have to see him so damn much with him having the kids pretty much half of the time and having them at my house and all.

So I thought I'd explain that I really do have shit to bitch about..

• Perry doesn't shower. Or at least he only did about once a week when we were married (if I was lucky).
• He's a compulsive liar.
• Because he's a compulsive liar I don't know if my daughter is deathly allergic to shellfish and beestings or if he's pulling that shit out of his ass.
• And when I say compulsive liar I mean that for the first year of our marriage I thought he was an Army veteran.
• Turns out he flunked out of boot camp.
• He bullys Oliver.
• Mercilessly.
• His mother is insane.
• By insane I mean that she believes that the Air Force has a special contingent of planes that fly around her house looking out for her.
• And she calls CPS on people when she gets bored.
• He's irrationally obsessed with image and wealth (or at least the illusion of it).
• This combined with his only nodding aquaintance with the truth has some interesting results.
• As in he will tell people that whatever he has or was or did was so high class, when it really wasn't.
• It's actually really kind of funny to watch.
• I'm pretty sure he's in the closet.
• So is just about everyone else who's ever met him.
• He trashes our house everytime he's here. Which is Wednesday, Thursday and every other weekend.
• So I have to spend my time with the kids cleaning up his mess.
• He also randomly moves shit.
• Though I'm pretty sure he only does that to see if he can push me over the edge into certifiable insanity as opposed to mildly mad.
• He's rude to Bean.
• He doesn't have any clue how to help with homework or school projects, and doesn't remember to have the kids do either on his days.
• He pronounces "gay" "gee".

Now do you see??

There's just so much to bitch about, I can't help myself.

It's like he's got a sign on his back that says:

Blog Fodder

I'm Too Random for My Blog

It's a random kind of day and its Wednesday so I guess it works out well.

• I hate Tuesdays.
• Mostly because Oliver has fencing.
• Which he loves.
• But I don't.
• In fact I loathe it.
• Purely because practice is at 7:00. So I get to go home, relax and then I have to go out again.
• This Tuesday I was particularly pissed.
• Because I had a shittastic day at work
• And because Glee is back and I couldn't watch it.
• Oliver got a notebook taken away from him at school.
• By a teacher
• Because it had a skull and crossbones on the front
• A very cartoony skull and crossbones.
• Mommy's not pleased.
• Tallulah got "caught being good" at school
• So she's a "wise owl" now.
• She's thrilled.
• Sometimes I really don't understand her.
• She's so very perfect
• And that's something I've never been accused of.
• I just finished listening to the entire "Wheel of Time" series on audiobook
• While working.
• Because the next book is due out in November.
• But now I'm bored.
• I'm thinking about doing it again
• But I'm scared the new book will come out before I'm done.

So Sorry..

I feel the need to apologize to you my bloggy friends.. I've been slacking big time, both on my writing and on my reading. But I'm working on it.. I promise!!

I'm Too Random For My Blog

Holy shit it's been all crazy!!

I have no coherent sentences for you, so I'm going to cheat and use bullets. Because I can, and I'm a secretary, so I love bullets.

• This migraine will not quit. I don't even know what day I'm on anymore.
• I'm not hallucinating yet, though, so that's good.
• I have found (completely by accident) that jack & vicodin are an excellent combination.
• But I'm not an addict.
• And now I have K's Choice in my head.
• Fuck.
• I broke my ex-husband's car.
• It was totally fun.
• It also wasn't my fault, in case you were wondering.
• I still kindof hate people.
• Especially certain people.
• I'm not telling you who.
• Bean I can control my inner monologue.
• It's almost time for my follow-up with Dr. No Personality.
• I may yell at him.
• He'll probably want to give me more drugs.
• But not the kind I need.
• Tallulah got moved out of her original class and put into the smart kid class.
• Because she's smart.
• Her original teacher was bummed.
• Because Tallulah's an angel for everyone who is not me.
• And also because I give great teacher bribes gifts.
• Oliver convinced me to buy him a fedora and some truly hideous fake glasses.
• Oddly enough they kind of work for him.
• He also brought home a fundraiser packet.
• Less than a week after the first day of school.
• I hate Fundraisers.
• With a fiery and intense passion.

I Probably Would Have a Brilliant Name for This Post, but I'm Brain-dead

You may have noticed that I haven't done any original posts this week. Not to say that I copied them, because I didn't, but they were all directed in some way.

That's because I'm brain-dead, for no particular reason.

But I have had this post that doesn't really make any sense in mind for a while, so I thought I'd go ahead and run with it.

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Are you one of those women?? You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones who never have a wardrobe malfunction (of the Janet Jackson variety or of the I-really-thought-these-socks-matched variety) and whose hair is always exactly in place and whose make-up looks fantastic all day long.

I am not.

I frequently look like a zombie after lunch, with my eyeshadow melting downward to make the circles uder my eyes appear darker than they really are, and my mascara making little marks on my eyelids and my T-zone greasy and nasty.
I've tried reapplying before I eat, it doesn't help.

Often my hair does not cooperate with me and looks like I stuck a finger in an electrical socket.

And regularly I get to work only to look in the mirror in the womens' restroom and think "This outfit looked fine from my mirror..".


I don't get it. I'm probably the most girly of all of my close friends. I take time in the mornings to look presentable. So why is it that I don't??

And I really don't understand how those women do it.

Is it something you're born with??

Do you have to be taught??

Is it a confidence driven illusion or is it real??

I'm at a loss. Maybe one of you can enlighten me.

Getting to Know You

I'm not quite up to speed yet, and really, laying on my ass on the couch watching the second season of "Veronica Mars" doesn't make for interesting blogging, so I thought I'd do a "Getting to Know You" thing..

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:30ish
2. Diamonds or pearls? If I have to pick?? Then pearls
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? the newest Shrek, I think.
4. What is your favorite TV show? House
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee
6. What is your middle name? Christine
7. What food do you dislike? Hot dogs.
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? The Wicked soundtrack
9. What kind of car do you drive? PT Cruiser baby
10. Favorite sandwich? Turkey
11. What characteristic do you despise? conceit, especially when it's unwarranted.
12. Favorite item of clothing? Jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? For me - England, for the family - Disneyworld
14. Favorite brand of clothing? umm?? American Eagle??
15. Where would you retire to? Somewhere close to my kids.
16. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball - it's the only one I really understand.
17. When is your birthday? June 12th
18. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night, definately.
19. What is your shoe size? 9
20. Pets? 1 dauschund, 1 goldendoodle, 1 cat, 1 turtle, 2 kids, 1 husband and a mother.
21. Any new and exciting news you 'd like to share? nothing that anyone other than Miss Nikki would care to hear.
22. What did you want to be when you were little? The President
23. How are you today? fanfreakintastic
24. What is your favorite candy? Reese's Pieces
25. What is your favorite flower? Either yellow roses or any flavor tulip
26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Halloween
27. What are you listening to now? Random crashes coming from Tallulah's room
28. What was the last thing you ate? pizza
29. Do you wish on stars? absolutely
30. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? turquoise
31. How is the weather right now? Hot.
32. The first person you spoke to on the phone today: noone so far, but I texted Ophalia.
33. Favorite soft drink? Diet Coke.
34. Favorite restaurant? Pappasitos
35. Real hair color? dark brown
36. What was your favorite toy as a child? A little babydoll that I worked very hard to get. I named her Cecilie
37. Summer or winter? Texas winter
38. Hugs or kisses? If we're talking from Bean - kisses everyone else - hugs
39. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate all the way!!
40. Coffee or tea? In the morning, Coffee, the rest of the day, Tea.
41. When was the last time you cried? Last week, I was pissed!!
42. What is under your bed? There's no telling..
43. What did you do last night? Watched Season 2 of "Veronica Mars"
44. What are you afraid of ? ooh.. that's a really long list, that we don't have time for.
45. Salty or sweet? depends
46. How many keys on your key ring? alot
47. How many years at your current job? 3
48. Favorite day of the week? Thursday
49. How many towns have you lived in? 4
50. Do you make friends easily? Usually

I'm Too Random for My Blog

We'll go ahead and make a theme this week - almost dying and my in-laws, here’s a couple of random bits involving them or almost dying:

This is an actual conversation between me and Bean while I was driving on the Big Ass Bridge on my way home from work one day.

Bean: Hello?

Me: THERE’S FOG!!

Bean: Ok??

Me: I CAN’T SEE!!

Bean: Did you turn on the windshield wipers?

Me: NO!!! BECAUSE THEY DON’T WORK!!!

Bean: Baby, turn on the windshield wipers.

Me: THEY DON’T WORK, AND I CAN’T SEE AND I’M GOING TO DIE!!!!

We weren’t married yet, and he lived closer to the office than I did, so I had to stop there and be hysterical for awhile, and of course his parents were there visiting. That’s when they realized that he and I were not exaggerating when we said I was crazy.

Also, Bean drove me to work almost every day after that, even though he bought me a new car with working windshield wipers the next week.





Bean's brother, Harley just got a new job, but then ended up in the hospital.

He's been there a week, and has been totally coherent the whole time, and has been going on and on about how worried he is about his job.

But he didn't call work to give them an update.

Finally Mom Bean had to stand over him while he called work - the boy is like 45 years old.

I'm Too Random for My Blog

Its a random kind of day, so here's a sample:

Redneck Boss cannot speak proper English. He sent me an email the other day that said:

That are a clock would be our best bet. We will start looking Monday.

What does that even mean??




Do you ever think that you’re not cool enough for things?? Like your car, or your phone, or your shoes?? Like maybe they’re singing the “I’m too Sexy” song about you..

I’m too sexy for this girl, too sexy for this girl too sexy baby!!

Ok, maybe it’s just me.



Why do people like to insist they know things about other people's lives??

Yesterday Mr. Eyes & FNG were talking about Colonel Sanders insisting that he didn't need overtime because he's got a shitload of money. WTF?? Ya'll we don't work someplace where everybody's all best buds so how the hell would anyone know that?? Besides, Colonel Sanders lives in White Trash KKK City, why would he live there if he was rolling it in??

People need to mind their own business.


I heard on the radio that 90% of women would prefer to have a perfect body themselves rather than have a significant other with a perfect body. They needed a study to figure that out?? They could have just asked one woman that and gotten their answer.