JJ Goes to BFE

Saturday was Hero's daughter, Cassidy's birthday party.

Normally I don't go to Hero's house, because she lives in BFE (that's Butt-Fuck Egypt in case you didn't know). But since I'm hoping this is the last year she'll live there I decided to go.

So I gathered up my stuff and took off at 9 am.

I made a pit-stop in Conroe to give Connie back the phone charger that she'd left at my house a few weeks ago.

We met up at Target and she only had 2 out of her 3 kids, one, Leni, who is the same age as Cassidy. So I decided to steal her for the day.

We had a blast.

I loved hanging out with Leni. She hasn't spent as much time with me as her older siblings, so it was just nice to be with her.

She cracked me up - I was listening to a book on my MP3 player and she was in the back seat commenting on it all the way up there. And when we got back in the car to go home, she told me to put it back on.


Anyway, so I borrowed my kid from Target and took off. This place was like an hour off of the freeway in BFE. I had almost no cell reception, and had to drive 30 minutes away to find a Sonic (though, to be fair I think they have a Sonic in town, I just didn't know how to get there). They do have a Walmart, and a Bealls (that's pronounced "Bells" just so you know), but I think the nearest Target is like an hour away.

But I did snag this picture.

That's Hero, taking her turn at the pinata. And yes, it's Spiderman, for a little girl's fourth birthday.

Saturday is Hot and also The Douche-canoe in the Sky

I know that I'm not the Wicked Witch of the West or anything (although Oliver does sometimes think I am A witch, just maybe not THAT witch), but seriously, I was melting today. And it's only May. This does not bode well for my summer.

Other than that it's been a pretty kick ass day so far (or at least kick ass in the way that we're all still breathing, so far). I took the kids out to BFE for my niece Leni's birthday*. She's one of Connie's daughters, so we got to see the crew, except that Ella wasn't there and she's Tallulah's buddy, so she was a little bitch all day. But Oliver got to see his "brother from another mother", Morgan.
Anyway, Connie's douche-canoe of an exhusband lives in Idaho or Iowa - one of those "I" states (though I think it should be Idaho, just so that he can have to say he's a Ho, because he is), and she never gets any breaks because of that, so when she asked if I could take Morgan, I volunteered to take Leni too.

Obviously, I am showing my insanity, because noone in their right mind would want 4 children** for 3 days and 2 nights, but hey..

Getting to the point though..

Leni & Tallulah were talking over dinner:

Leni: My daddy lives in the sky.

Tallulah: Awww.. He died??

Leni: No. He just lives in the sky.

Tallulah: Yeah, that's where you live when you die.

Leni: He didn't die. He just lives in the sky with God.

Tallulah: ?????

Me: He didn't die Tallulah.

Tallulah: ?????

Leni: Nope. He just lives in the sky.

For the record, the douche-canoe didn't die. He just abandoned his children. And Tallulah is probably going to need an extended discussion about the difference between Idaho (or Iowa, whatever) and Heaven.



* The whole birthday party part was not kick ass - kids birthday parties are like Chinese water torture to me - those are the parties where you really need alcohol, but it's frowned upon for some reason - stupid responsible parents.
**Let me clarify, for the sensitive - people who actually have 4 children are not necessarily insane, I'm just talking about people with fewer children who volunteerily give up they're 3 day weekend to babysit.