Manspeak

To wrap up my Girly week, I thought I'd go into Manspeak.

For all you guys, I just want to say that I am not claiming to be fluent in Manspeak. It's more that I understand the gist of any given situation - after all, noone but a man can truly speak Manspeak. But I speak Manspeak kind of like how well you speak German after taking it throughout high school.

The guys at work appreciate that I know some Manspeak. Because for them it translates into if I wear a low-cut top I will not get offended if they look at my boobs. They're men, if it's on display they will look. And I kindof figure that if I didn't want them to look, I shouldn't have worn that top.

My girlfriends for the most part like that I can translate for them, for instance -

You slept with him on the first date?? Nope, sorry hon, the best you're going to get is fuck buddy.

Bean loves that I understand his Manspeak. Because for him, it means that as long as he's not drooling over the gorgeous 22 year old blonde that just walked by, I don't really care if he looks. My only request is that if he's going to be obvious enough for me to notice then she better be smokin.

And Oliver is beginning to learn of my Manspeak abilities.

Mom, can you take Tallulah over there??

Translation: There's a hot girl coming and I don't want her to see me hugging my mom and holding her hand.

Mom, I'm going to air dry after my shower, so can you knock before coming in?

Translation: I'm going to play with myself for awhile. Can you guard my door from Tallulah??


But mostly I really hope that in years to come Tallulah appreciates my knowledge.

So that maybe when I tell her dressing like a whore will make boys treat her like a whore, she will listen.

Counting Sheep

Boobies and Christy have this fabulous meme on Fridays..

I love it.

And all you have to do is give everyone and everything that pissed you off this week the big ole finger.

Easy huh??

I didn't play last week because I had such an awesome week that I didn't want to jinx it. This week is a little different.

Fuck you fence that fell on my foot. It hurts like a bitch and I can't wear heels.

Fuck you Alien. It's your fault that I had to use powertools in the first place.

Fuck you Dr. Sleep. I'm not depressed and I don't care if your stupid fucking sleep study showed nothing.. I'm tired!! Fix it.

2 Truths and a Lie

Tell me 2 truths and a lie and make me guess which is the lie. You've played this game before, so why not join The Scoop on Poop and CA Girl every Thursday by
1.Grabbing the handy little button on the sidebar
2.Posting your 2 truths and a lie
3.Link up
4.Reveal your lie the next week!

Last week I broke the rules, and we played 2 Lies and a Truth.

I got a new piercing last weekend. It was:

1. My eyebrow.

2. My nose.

3. The cartiledge on my left ear.

AHA!! Not a single person got it right. Not even Miley. I feel so accomplished.

It was my nose. It's really cute. And Bean loves it!!

This week we'll go back to 2 Truths and a Lie..

It got cold last weekend and that makes me think of Christmas and holidays.. So we'll go with that.

1. I love having a fire when it's cold, but I don't know how to light one.

2. I had 4 Christmas trees last year and plan on having 7 this year and would like to have 9 in 2011.

3. I spend around $500 on each of my children for Christmas every year.

Take your guess and come back next week to find the answers..

And don't forget to link up and play!! I'm totally addicted, you will be too.

Things I Do

Since I made you guys all think I'm an idiot yesterday, I thought today I'd try to redeem myself.

Here are some things that I do that maybe aren't girly girl things.

I pay bills. Bean has no idea how much we make or spend or anything. Neither does Mom.

I move furniture. Often. As in whenever I get bored. Which is often. And if there's someone around to help, great. If not, oh well.

I paint. I like to paint walls.

I train my dog. (no, this isn't something I really consider manly, but I do consider my 60 lb dog much manlier than Bean's 8 lb rat dog)

I make good steak.

I put furniture together.

I like to drive and make a terrible passenger.

See. I'm not completely incompetent.

Mostly I'm just about doing what needs to be done. And if noone else will/can do it, then I will. But alot of times I do something and realize that I suck at it. So while I know how it's done, and will do it again if necessary, I will never choose to do it.

Other things (like painting) I did once when I had noone to help me and realized that I do it faster and better than the ones I was calling to help me. So I stopped calling for help.

Things I Don't Do

This week I'm exploring my girliness, so I thought I'd make a list of all the things I don't do that maybe people think I should to be a self-sufficient person (because I'm anal meticulous like that).

I don't do cars. As in check oil or fluid or change tires.

I don't do taping - like around the edges when I paint.

I don't do yard work. At least not if I can help it.

I don't do grilling.

I don't fix things - like leaky pipes or clogged toilets or broken lights.

And I realize that some of you are reading this thinking "what a lightweight!!" or something similar, but let me explain..

I have 13 male cousins who all live in the greater Houston area and I only share them with 2 other girls (Amara doesn't count because she lives in Austin).

I have 4 Uncles.

Many guy friends.

Several incredibly capable girlfriends.

Perry - who likes to prove his manliness by doing shit around my house.

Alien - who is actually relatively handy.

Pa - who is a carpenter.

And Bean, who will do just about anything I ask him to.

So why the hell would I ever need to learn these things??

Yes, I realize that taping is ridiculously easy, but for some reason I do a craptastic job and everything I tape looks like shit. Plus it takes me years to tape a wall. So yeah, I could do it. Or - I could call Perry who does a much better job than I do in a quarter of the time.

Do you understand now??

It's not about being the helpless girl. Its about understanding my limits.

I know that I wouldn't do these things well, and I have many people around me who can do them better and faster and without breaking something - like their foot - so I leave these things to the experts, who almost all just happen to be men.

JJ Plays with Powertools

I mentioned yesterday that I played with powertools this weekend. It was great fun.

See, Alien put this maze up for Oliver's Halloween party. And it consisted of 4 foot fence posts and black tarp running around the back patio.

Well the tarp came down November 1st. But in order to take the fence apart, you needed powertools.

A drill to be more specific.

But I figured Alien would get around to it in a week or so, so I didn't worry.

And then he didn't.

And Bean wasn't feeling great, so he didn't.

And Perry never does anything without being directly asked.

So for almost 2 weeks, I haven't been able to use my back gate or patio.

Saturday I got tired of it.

I called Perry and asked him if he would put the screwdriver thingy on the end of the drill for me when he came over to pick up Oliver's stuff (because I had no idea how to do that part). He did.

And off to take apart the fence I went.

At first I just did the part blocking the back gate, since it was really the pain in the ass, because our driveway goes to the back gate, not the front door, and I have a hard enough time getting Mom to pull all the way up in the driveway when the gate is unblocked, let alone when it's blocked.

Then I waited, because Bean was sleeping for work Saturday night.

When 3:00 rolled around and Bean left for work, I went out to finish the job.

I got all of it taken apart and set to the side and was working on the very last piece when the screw came out a little more quickly than I was expecting and the whole 6 foot section of fence fell on my right foot.

And it hurt like a sonnofabitch.

And I'm not positive that I didn't break something, since it's swollen and a little black around the edges.

Do you see why I don't play with powertools??

It's not because I'm not capable. It's because there is always someone else who can do it better and faster than me and without a fence falling on their foot.

Girly Girl

Last weekend made me think alot.

Because I had to take down Oliver's maze from Halloween and I had to use a powertool which I'd never done before..

I kindof pride myself on not being a "Girly Girl".

I mean I am, I love clothes and shoes and jewelery. I don't enjoy anything remotely outdoorsy and I don't use alot of tools.

But while I do get weepy and emotional every once in awhile, I fully recognize that they are ridiculous feelings and don't usually hold men responsible when they piss me off then.

Also I have no problems with the ways guys think:

If there is boob on display, I will look.

If you let me fuck you on the first date, we will not be serious.

I've had entirely too many guy friends for this not to make sense to me.

So does that make me a girly girl?? I don't know.

But this week, I'm going to find out.