Oliver is a very high maintenance child. He requires huge amounts of my energy and almost daily he needs alone time with Mom to help him chill from a meltdown.
Tallulah is completely different species. She asks me very politely if she can stay up five minutes past bedtime so she can clean her room. She brought home a report card with all 100's on it (I didn't even know that was possible). She does her chores, takes a shower, feeds her dog and kisses her teacher's ass with very little prodding from me.
So most of the time she doesn't get these private talks with me that Oliver gets.
And she gets jealous.
To combat this, I decided to start her womanly education a little early. Because what the fuck else am I going to talk to her about that Oliver doesn't get to hear??
We started with clothes.
I went to some random ass website (maybe it was glamour) that had pictures of people wearing both cute things and things that their Mama should have never let them out of the house in. And we went through all the pictures and talked about them.
And seriously, I love my daughter.
All of the mini-skirts & short shorts - "They shouldn't show their legs so much."
Bikinis - "They look like underwear."
Bra straps hanging out - "That's trashy."
The only thing that she had any trouble with was why it's okay with me for a 25 year old who wears a size 2 to wear a bikini, but I think a 45 year old who wears a size 26 in a bikini looks like a beached whale. But we're working on it. And I tried really hard to explain to her that the big girls are very pretty, but they can't wear the same clothes as the little girls.
That was Friday.
On Sunday I taught both of the kids "Baby Got Back".