Counting Sheep

Boobies and Christy have this fabulous meme on Fridays..

I love it.

And all you have to do is give everyone and everything that pissed you off this week the big ole finger.

Easy huh??

I didn't play last week because I had such an awesome week that I didn't want to jinx it. This week is a little different.

Fuck you fence that fell on my foot. It hurts like a bitch and I can't wear heels.

Fuck you Alien. It's your fault that I had to use powertools in the first place.

Fuck you Dr. Sleep. I'm not depressed and I don't care if your stupid fucking sleep study showed nothing.. I'm tired!! Fix it.

A Bully, A Driveway and A Book

There's this fanfuckingtastic little meme on Fridays..

I love it.

It's hosted by 2 of my favorite ladies - Boobies and Christy.

And all you have to do is give everyone and everything that pissed you off this week the big ole finger.

See the beauty??

For me this week hasn't been so bad but I can always find something to bitch about so..

Fuck you Perry. I'm sorry that your mom is crazy and your dad is mad, and that you felt unloved back in the day when you were the fat, stinky kid. But that does not give you the right to bully our my son.

Fuck you Mom. I realize that you're too fat lazy to walk that extra ten feet so you have to park at the end of the driveway forcing me to either park behind you or park in the street at my own house, but, if you want your car unblocked, do it yourself. After all that's what you make me do when you park there and I'm already home and then want to leave again.

Fuck you my book. I have to wait two more years for the end of the story and it makes me want to jump off a building in despair depresses me just a little. Don't you know that patience is not one of my virtues??

Fanfuckingtastic Friday

Boobies has this absolutely amazing little meme on Fridays..

It's an open invitation to give a big ole' fawk you out to whomever you'd like. (Except I don't fawk, I fuck.. If I don't watch my language for my kids, I'm not watching it for you, sorry.)

I alluded to this on Tuesday with my Post-Its, but I thought I’d elaborate for y’all.
One of my fabulous co-workers left a note lying around.
It was found, and it said this:

"Cutting Costs:
Diversify/Combine postions
Do away with Sec position”

That’s me.

I was going to just let it go, but my VP, Anal Boss, came in the office on Tuesday and I started freaking the fuck out.

Fanfuckingtastic!! He’s here to fire me!!

All day long.

I couldn’t handle it, so I asked him.

He said my job wasn’t in danger.

Awesome.

But who wrote the note??

I have no idea.

I have suspicions.

Mostly centering around the 3 guys in the office who know what the word “diversify” means. And since one of those is my husband, that just makes 2.

So fuck you whoever wrote that note.


And I'm still not clear on the whole thing, but somehow Christy has something to do with Fawk You Fridays and I love her.

Fantabulous Fucking Friday!!

My absofuckinglutely favorite day of the week is here. Head on over to Boobies and link up to give the world the collective finger.

This week, I'm sticking to my theme, and I just have one:



Cancer sucks ass. I hate it. And fuck it. Fuck it all to hell.

And after you're done telling the world to stick it.. Check out the fabulous Ms. CB.

I love her. But you must have a SLUTCODE to participate, and since I'm so cool, I have it.

Purple Monkey Balls

Do you see why I love this bitch??

It's Friday!!!!!!!!!!! About Fucking Time..

Boobies has this absoilutely amazing little meme on Fridays..

It's an open invitation to give a big ole' fawk you out to whomever you'd like. (Except I don't fawk, I fuck.. If I don't watch my language for my kids, I'm not watching it for you, sorry.)

And the skanktastic Ms. CB has this one:

Only if you don't follow her rules, she'll shove a stiletto up your ass, so beware.


My oh my.. this week did not really start off well and no doubt it will end the same way..

Though I am very excited that Connie's coming to visit this weekend. I heart her like you wouldn't believe.

And onto my bitching..

Fuck you all my favorite authors, especially Mr. Ihavetoomanymiddleinitials. Can't you guys get on some alternating writing schedule or something?? I have nothing to read, and when I do I'll have like 12 books, and then nothing again for like 2 years.

Fuck you Perry. Really?? Using Uncle Youhaven'ttalkedtoin8years's death to gain sympathy from people is pathetic. And rude. He was a really great guy and I get that you're sad, but I know you, and you're not sad in a hysterical "I have to go home right now or I'll breakdown in front of the kids way", you're sad in a moderately morose "I really should have gone to see him sometime and now I'll never be able to" way. Really, can't you be honest for once?? People might like you better if you were.

Fuck you again Perry. Really you can't trade weekends with me so that I can do a Halloween Party for the kids?? Of, course you can come id you really want, but the kids are friends with my friends' kids and Alien is going to be there and you can't stand him. So fine, have it your weekend, but I don't want to hear you bitching.

Fuck you people who got mad at me for not calling them when Bean was in the hospital. It wasn't really that serious and honestly, if you're not Mom & Dad Bean then really it wasn't any of your business if Bean and I didn't choose to make it so. Plus, if you'd asked to be on my real Facebook friends list, then you would have known, but you didn't, so shut the hell up.

Fuck you microfiches. I barely remember you, and now I know why - I have blocked out another bad memory, which I am very good at, thank you.

That's about it.. Mostly just some minor irritants..

How's your week?? Do you have any fuck you's to give out??

Fawk You Friday and Blogstalk Friday

It's Friday!! Finally. This week has dragged ass!!

And it's time to send out all of my big "Fuck You's"..

• Tedious reports that make my eyes hurt. And I'm a little concerned that you could use that description for 90% of my job, and yet if asked I would still say I liked it. What does that say about me??


• Phone that won't stay charged. You suck and not just the life out of the battery.


• Hotmail


• Fencing


• Control freak teacher at Oliver's school


• UPS - that package was supposed to be here a week earlier than it was. And I missed Bean's birthday because of you.
  

And on a totally not related note.

Today is Tallulah's 7th birthday!! Happy Birthday Princess.

Fawk You Friday

It's been so long since I participated in Fawk You Friday, but I'm back!!!!!!

In case you've forgotten, I don't really fawk.. I fuck. So maybe this post is not for the easily offended (but then neither is my blog really..) sorry!!

Fuck you golf. Really. Fuck you. I didn't even play in the fucking work golf tournament, but I am sore and exhausted.

Fuck you scheduling people. I don't know who made the schedule, but scheduling a golf tournament on Monday and Wednesday when there is a major meeting on Tuesday was piss poor planning.

Fuck you laundry. I'm seriously considering burning all dirty laundry instead of washing it from now on.

Fuck you Cancer. You fucked my husband up, and for the record, I'm not okay with it.

And though I'm not feeling this yet, I will be by this afternoon so here's a preemptive -

Fuck you road trips with children. They should replace chinese water torture with you. Really.

Don't Forget!!

Fawk You Friday on Friday with Boobies, Babies and a Blog..

It's super fun and therapeutic.

Who a deserves a big ole finger from you this week??

Fawk You Friday and Blogstalk Friday

It's Friday!!


I do realize that it's called "Fawk You" Friday, but I'm sorry, I cuss with every other word that comes out of my mouth. I'm not holding back now.

Fuck you Shrinks. It's not nice to play around with people's sanity just for your own amusement. I bet you record those calls for "quality assurance" and sit there at your Shrink parties laughing your asses off.

Fuck you Migraines. 4 days is too long. You're not going to make me miss work or punch my husband in the trachea. So give it up already. I will, however, someday find someone to cut off my head, and when I do, you are toast.

Fuck you Perry. When you walk in to pick something up "real quick", it does not mean "stay for 30 minutes", especially not in the middle of family dinner.

Fuck you Mom. My doctor's appointments are none of your damn business!!

That's enough for one week, I think.

Also there's CB's Blogstalk Friday with her new nifty button.

Fawk You Friday & Fucked Up Friday Follow

It's time for Fawk You Friday!!!!!

And it's even better, because CB's back and so is Fucked up Friday Follow!!!!!

It's been one of those weeks, I've been waiting for this..

Fuck you judgemental busy-body ass people who think you know the whole story of someone's life based on what you see after spending five minutes with them.
You don't know anything. Mmm-kay??

Fuck you Perry, again. You don't get to come into my house and tell me what I get to say. If you wanted to be able to do that, then maybe you should have worked a little harder on our marriage.

Fuck you Dr. No Personality, still. I'm still gaining weight and now my fucking migraines are back, so thank you very much. And fuck you.

Fawk You Friday

Don't Forget Fawk You Friday!!

You don't have to be all vulgar (unless you want to be - like me) - it's super fun and completely lowers your blood pressure.

Fawk You Friday

Yeah, I totally did 2 different Friday Follow posts - I wouldn't want to offend any sticks in the mud who happen along accidentally.

Fawk you Perry. I'm not married to you any more. My groceries are not your groceries. Maybe you should think about bringing your own fucking food over to my house. It wouldn't kill you - you're a fucking architect and I'm a secretary for fucks sake - I promise you make more money than me.

Fawk you Amara and Mom. I made plans for my children and I'm not changing them just so that Amara can bless them with her presence.

Fawk you stupid movie that made no sense (AKA The Handmaid's Tale). You made me need to read the book version and it's pretty fucked up and disturbing when you're as neurotic as I am.

Fawk you Mr. My Favorite Author's Son. I'm thrilled that you took over your mom's series - really I am, because she's getting pretty old. But really do you have to make so many convoluted 3+ people sexual relationships?? I mean, yeah, it's kind of kinky, but if this is how you think, I believe you need to move over to romance.

Fawk you Dr. No Personality. You gave me an unlimited supply of vicodin for my headaches, but you won't give me anything for weightloss when I've gained 40 lbs in 7 months for no apparant reason AND you agree with me that I need to lose weight??

Fawk You Friday & Fucked Up Friday Follow!!

I'm really excited, because this is the first Fawk You Friday I get to really participate in, and I've been trying for almost a month now (fawk you life!!). Plus I found Fuck You Friday, and we all know I have NO problem actually saying "fuck", so it sounded pretty fantastic too.

What a week, my list could really be endless, but I'll keep it short and sassy for you.

• Fawk You to my beautiful and wonderful children. My house is rat infested because ya'll had to have those stupid rat dogs and now that you have them, you think I'm going to be cleaning up their shit?!?! Think again.
• Fawk You to my boss who says the same exact thing and tells the same exact stories day after fawking day. You have an office!! Why don't you go there?!?!
• Fawk You to Bean's Food Poisoning. I lost two perfect-will-never-come-back-to-me nights because of you.
• Fawk You to my loving mother. When you said you would do the grocery shopping now that you're retired, I kind of thought you'd get the shit that we need. And when I tell you that I have gained 40 lbs in 6 months, egg rolls, little pizzas, quesadillas and klondike bars do not fall into that category. Especially when you did not buy a single leafy vegetable or any meat or milk or bread or anything really that will not go directly to my ass.

I feel better now. Don't you??

* I also need to add a big fawk you to my phone who is not letting me comment on anyone's blog today. WTF?!?!

Fawk You Friday from Switzerland

No, I'm not really in Switzerland, I'm in Colorado.. It's a long story..

I keep on reading how everyone's offended by "Fawk You Friday", which of course made me want to participate only I can't really, because I'm pretty sure Bean would be upset if I blew off his parents in favor of blogging. But here's the link for all of you who wanted it, and I promise I will be reading as much as I can get away with and next week I will be joining in for real!!

Who do you want to say "Fawk You!!" to this week??

Happy Friday!!

I'm Too Random for My Blog

I know Wednesday is random day, and I've already posted twice today, but I have some requests to fill.

First, Bean requested that I post this:

I am the Queen of Romance.

I randomly asked him if he would ever get a chin implant, because seriously, he has NO chin, and I don't really care, but I think about plastic surgery all the time for my no boobs, so I was wondering.*

And then I was picking a piece of something off his forehead and he said something about his uni-brow, so I I asked him if I could pluck it. And he said no, because he's going to the store to buy beer, and I said I could pluck it tonight when he went to bed.

So he said, Oh baby!! That would be HOTT!!

And then he said I must go blog about this right now

So look at me all being the good wife and stuff.

*He said no, just in case you were wondering.

And then, a couple of people have asked about "Word Up Yo!" and "Fawk You Friday", so here's the links for those.




Though here's the actual post from last Friday.



And here's the actual post for this week's Word Up Yo!