Friday, April 16, 2010

Principal of the Year

So Oliver told me yesterday that if he gets commended on all portions of his TAKS test (don't get me started on how absurd TAKS is - it's a whole diatribe) that he will get to take a picture in his principal's corvette and he has a theory on that (I'm so proud!! He's all getting theories, just like Mommy!!):

Oliver: Most principals don't have corvettes, they have volkswagons.

Me: oh yeah?

Oliver: Yeah. But Mrs. P has a corvette!! I guess that's what happens when you're Principal of the year.

Me: You think?

Oliver: Yup. If you win then you get a corvette!!

Now I'm not saying that this theory shouldn't be true - but somehow I don't think it is.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

No Reward Offered but PLEASE Give it Back!!!

I have been robbed.. I mean really. Well, let me rephrase that, I have looked everywhere in my moderately clean house and filthy car and cannot find my MP3 player anywhere. Below is a picture:

I'm convinced* that some horrible excuse for a human being (read Perry) stole it. He's always here right?? Taking his "visitation" with Oliver and Tallulah - he SO could have stolen it.. Plus he's so far in the closet it's unreal, so he could be secretly yearning for my freakin awesome pink MP3 player..

But it also could have been the one legged man**. I mean, maybe it was on top of the dryer when he came for his weekly visit. He could have taken it for his one legged wife - they can't possibly have much money, so she would not be able to buy a freakin awesome pink MP3 player!!


Bring back my freakin awesome pink MP3 player!! I'm not giving you a reward for being evil, but PLLEEAASSEEEE!! bring it back.***

And if not, I'm going sockless from now on. So there.

*I'm actually not convinced that it Perry or the one legged man. I'm pretty sure it was that same lazy sot who ate half of Bean's Moollenium Crunch at work.
**Bean tells me that you goofy Coloradoians don't know about the one legged man, so I'll explain. You know how you put 8 socks(4 pairs)in the wash, but when they come out of the dryer, there's only 4 (no pairs, all unmatched) there?? That's because the one legged man comes in and steals one out of each pair for him and his one legged family.
***If you're wondering why I'm flipping out so bad - I LOVE my MP3 player. And I put books on it so that I can be all sneaky & read at work.. So without it, I'm totally bookless for 8 freakin hours a day!! And if you know me at all, you know how devasting that is....

Saturday, April 3, 2010

UnWrapped and Bill Nye the Food Guy or I’m so gonna write Food Network

We watch TV to go to sleep. Before we got married I had this (surprise) fairly insane habit of watching one DVD on repeat for a month (or three) and then switching it out. But Bean likes food network. And that’s cool, I like food.
But there’s this one guy that I hate, I mean I absolutely abhor him. He makes my teeth hurt.

I don’t know what his name is or what his show’s called. I call him Bill Nye the Food Guy. He needs to come on at three in the afternoon as an educational program, or at three in the morning when I’m asleep. But instead he comes on when I want to go to sleep no matter when it is.

He’s always explaining the science behind cooking.


Thus the name. He bothers me.
But what bothers me more is that he’s always right before the show I really like going to sleep to – Unwrapped.
It’s perfect!! It’s entertaining enough that if I can’t sleep I can watch it, but it’s not manic so it doesn’t keep me from sleeping (like Iron Chef, which doesn’t bother me, but does keep me from sleeping). I love it!! Plus it’s got the Double Dare guy on it, so it makes me happy.

Bean thinks I’m funny for liking it so much.

Me: Where’s Unwrapped??

Bean: It’s not on.

Me: Why not?!?!

Bean: Because it doesn’t come on tonight.

Me: Why not?!?!

Bean: Because it just doesn’t, it comes on tomorrow.

Me: Well, what’s on??

Bean: Iron Chef.

Me: But that’s not Unwrapped.

Bean: No.

Me: Why not?!?!

Bean: Because it’s Iron Chef.

Me: I’m going to write a letter to Food Network.

Bean: Saying what?

Me: That they need to put Unwrapped on every night from 9:00 – 2:00.

Bean: And what reason are you going to give them?

Me: So I can go to sleep to it. Obviously.

Bean: I’m not sure they’re going to go for that, Honey.

Me: Why not?!?!

Bean: Because they just won’t.

Me: But they have to.

Bean: They don’t really just move shows for one person.

Me: Why not?!?

Bean: Because.

Me: But their schedule doesn’t work for me it’s wonky!!

Bean: I know.

Me: I NEED them to move it!!

Bean: But they won’t.

Me: Why not?!?!

Bean: They need better reasons than that. Like ratings, and money.

Me: But Unwrapped is awesome!!

Bean: I know Baby, but it doesn’t really work that way.

Me: AND!! I need my sleep!! HAH!!

Bean: .....

Me: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Maybe I can tell them to move Bill Nye the food guy to 4:00 AM while I’m at so I NEVER have to see him again!!!!!!!!!!!

Bean: Look honey, there he is on Iron Chef.

Me: Grrrrrrrr..