Post It Notes Tuesday

Wiener Wrangling and Doodle Fanoodling

I don't think I've introduced you guys to my favorite child. Yup, I've got one.

His name is Rowlf and he weighs in a whopping 25 lbs..



Yes, we are talking about a dog.





We have several animals, Rowlf, the golden doodle, Evil, the cat, Scrappy, the turtle and Dodger, the rat dog dachshund.



In January, after we had to have our Lab (who was little devil an angel, I miss her so much!!) put to sleep, a friend at church asked me if we'd let the kids have a puppy, and I asked what kind, and she said dachsund, so I said I'd have to ask Bean.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think a man would want a little rat dog.

But he did, so Oliver got Dodger.

This dog is smart and stubborn and protective and really I could care less. Sorry. I like real dogs. This dog is a rat.

So in March we got my baby, Rowlf. He's gorgeous and sweet and floppy. And stupid as can be. I love him.


For reasons that would take entirely too long to explain and are a blog post unto themselves, I put both Rowlf and Dodger in my bedroom last night.


I cleaned up everything I could find.. Bean's night stand, all the cords in the bathroom, the garbage can, everything.
And then I went to bed.


For starters, somehow Dodger managed to clim into the bed with me, which Bean has expressly forbidden.

Our bed is high, and he's a fucking wiener dog, I have no idea how he managed it..



And then when he got into bed with me, he had to kiss me to tell me that he'd done it..

I am NOT a puppy kisser..

That's one way to wake me up. Eww.


So this morning, this is what I woke up to..



And this..



And Dodger trying to look all innocent.



And Rowlf being all innocent, because I'm telling you, the boy sleeps all the time.

The Cats in the Attic

No really, there are cats in my attic. I tend to think we should leave them alone, cats are very self sufficient and there’s nothing up there. And if they want to fry in my bazillion degrees attic, more power to them, but I’ve gotten lots of advice on how to deal with them, mostly from the guys at work.

Coon-Ass Boss says to throw some rat poison up there and then go retrieve the dead bodies.

Yuck.

FNG says to throw a dog up there, preferably a rat terrier (he has a neighbor I can borrow one from) and let it kill them and bring the bodies to me.

Redneck Boss says that Dodger can do the job.

Again, yuck.

Old Pervert and Colonel Sanders for once didn’t have any advice.

Go figure.

Tallulah says we should feed them, and hug them and love them forever.*

Um, no. We already have a cat that I don’t like, we do not need more.

*She actually didn’t say that. I’m not really sure what she said, because I was at work when they were discovered, she probably really said “Awwwwwww!!!!!!!!”, but I guarantee she was thinking something to that effect, she’s a cat person.

And incidentally I'm doing the Friday Follow - I'm not entirely sure how it works since my phone is smarter than me, but I really like the idea..

What I've Been Doing and Dodger Poo

While I have not been blogging I have been drugged. Or not. But when I was not drugged I really wished I was.


That migraine that started last Sunday, as in March 21st, is still going on and none of the drugs in my considerable arsenal have stopped it for more than four hours. Some of them put me to sleep though, so that's really nice.


Bean refuses to let me slam my head in a door, he says that I might hurt the door. I think he's being horribly unfair. Surely we have some door in the house that we don't need??


If you'd like to volunteer to cut my head off please leave a comment with your availability.


On a more bizarre note, my sense of smell has gotten amazingly acute in the last week. No idea whether that has anything to do with the migraine or not, but I keep smelling Dodger poo where there is none. Go figure.

OOOOHHHH The Pain!!!!

Normally my migraines are pretty well controlled. And by that I mean that I only have a slam-my-head-in-the-door-to-stop-this, do-you-really-want-to-ask-me-that-question, leave-me-alone-before-I-kill-you-or-vomit-or-both kind of migraine about twice a month. I have headaches just about every day, but those are fine, completely ignorable and I only have to actually take something three times a week on a bad week.

So maybe to you that doesn’t sound very controlled, but since it’s down from please-chop-my-head-off-because-it-would-be-better-than-dealing-with-one-more-minute-of-this-pain every afternoon, I’m good.

My biggest issue is that they don’t just last for an hour (or four). They last for days. I had one that lasted for three weeks.

This one is pretty massive and we’re on day three. It’s driving me batty because it’s a visual nightmare.

And of course, Jenn can’t have normal auras. I have to have nutty visual crap. I have to have acid trips without the acid. I feel all tiny and crazy.. It’s not really explainable.

Bean was at work when it started on Sunday, I was not pleased that he wasn’t home to be sympathetic. He wasn’t pleased that he wasn’t home because he was at work (plus he does miss me when he’s gone, I mean I am REALLY adorable):

Me: I’m having an acid trippy night and you’re not here.

Bean: Sorry.

Me: I’m all small.

Bean: I could put you in the pocket of my ugly sweater and carry you around.

Me: You could.

Bean: You could ride Dodger* like Falcor!**

Me: I could.

Bean: Or you could go to sleep and I’ll see you in the morning. ***

*Dodger is our dachshund, who weighs all of 5 lbs.
**Falcor is the luck dragon from “The Neverending Story” who looks kindof like a longhaired dachshund, at least to us.
***There was some really gushy stuff in that last line, but you don’t get to see that part, it’s all mine, just like Bean.


Update: I just thought I would tell you that I have a new fun symptom that I have never experienced. Ever.
There’s a cat in my office. Only there’s not. And I didn’t even take any drugs today.

Jennese 101

I feel sometimes like maybe people don't understand me. Which is why I think that maybe I don't speak English, I think maybe I speak Jennese.

Like when I say to my mother:

I think I'd like to lose some weight.

I think I'm saying:

So don't buy a bunch of really yummy stuff that I'm going to want to eat at the grocery store & put it in my fridge, put it in your fridge.

But what I think she hears is:

Jenn's on a diet & she won't eat anything I buy so she's going to go grocery shopping on her own.

Or when I say to my kid's:

We're in a hurry.

I think I'm saying:

We need to go. NOW.

But I think they hear:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Or when I said to Bean:

I want to get another dog.

I thought I said:

I want to get a REAL dog, you know one that comes up to your knee or higher.

But I'm pretty sure that he heard:

I think I'd like a dachshund. (especially since we now have a dachshund)



Which is why it's so nice to have someone like my friend Miley around. Because she is fluent in Jennese. I never have to translate for her. I can send her some obscure email or text and she gets it.

Today I set her an email, because I read this headline:

Child Modeling: Apalling or Awesome?

only I didn't read "Child Modeling" I read "Child Molesting". But I didn't have to explain it to Miley, she totally got it, because she's an expert in Jennese.