No Reward Offered but PLEASE Give it Back!!!

I have been robbed.. I mean really. Well, let me rephrase that, I have looked everywhere in my moderately clean house and filthy car and cannot find my MP3 player anywhere. Below is a picture:

I'm convinced* that some horrible excuse for a human being (read Perry) stole it. He's always here right?? Taking his "visitation" with Oliver and Tallulah - he SO could have stolen it.. Plus he's so far in the closet it's unreal, so he could be secretly yearning for my freakin awesome pink MP3 player..


But it also could have been the one legged man**. I mean, maybe it was on top of the dryer when he came for his weekly visit. He could have taken it for his one legged wife - they can't possibly have much money, so she would not be able to buy a freakin awesome pink MP3 player!!


HAH!!


Bring back my freakin awesome pink MP3 player!! I'm not giving you a reward for being evil, but PLLEEAASSEEEE!! bring it back.***


And if not, I'm going sockless from now on. So there.




*I'm actually not convinced that it Perry or the one legged man. I'm pretty sure it was that same lazy sot who ate half of Bean's Moollenium Crunch at work.
**Bean tells me that you goofy Coloradoians don't know about the one legged man, so I'll explain. You know how you put 8 socks(4 pairs)in the wash, but when they come out of the dryer, there's only 4 (no pairs, all unmatched) there?? That's because the one legged man comes in and steals one out of each pair for him and his one legged family.
***If you're wondering why I'm flipping out so bad - I LOVE my MP3 player. And I put books on it so that I can be all sneaky & read at work.. So without it, I'm totally bookless for 8 freakin hours a day!! And if you know me at all, you know how devasting that is....