Jennese 101

I feel sometimes like maybe people don't understand me. Which is why I think that maybe I don't speak English, I think maybe I speak Jennese.

Like when I say to my mother:

I think I'd like to lose some weight.

I think I'm saying:

So don't buy a bunch of really yummy stuff that I'm going to want to eat at the grocery store & put it in my fridge, put it in your fridge.

But what I think she hears is:

Jenn's on a diet & she won't eat anything I buy so she's going to go grocery shopping on her own.

Or when I say to my kid's:

We're in a hurry.

I think I'm saying:

We need to go. NOW.

But I think they hear:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Or when I said to Bean:

I want to get another dog.

I thought I said:

I want to get a REAL dog, you know one that comes up to your knee or higher.

But I'm pretty sure that he heard:

I think I'd like a dachshund. (especially since we now have a dachshund)



Which is why it's so nice to have someone like my friend Miley around. Because she is fluent in Jennese. I never have to translate for her. I can send her some obscure email or text and she gets it.

Today I set her an email, because I read this headline:

Child Modeling: Apalling or Awesome?

only I didn't read "Child Modeling" I read "Child Molesting". But I didn't have to explain it to Miley, she totally got it, because she's an expert in Jennese.