Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Blog Fodder or A Million Lies and No Truth

I'm coming to realize that I bitch about my starter husband Perry a lot on here.

It's not really because I'm bitter, it's because I have to see him so damn much with him having the kids pretty much half of the time and having them at my house and all.

So I thought I'd explain that I really do have shit to bitch about..

  • Perry doesn't shower. Or at least he only did about once a week when we were married (if I was lucky).
  • He's a compulsive liar.
  • Because he's a compulsive liar I don't know if my daughter is deathly allergic to shellfish and beestings or if he's pulling that shit out of his ass.
  • And when I say compulsive liar I mean that for the first year of our marriage I thought he was an Army veteran.
  • Turns out he flunked out of boot camp.
  • He bullys Oliver.
  • Mercilessly.
  • His mother is insane.
  • By insane I mean that she believes that the Air Force has a special contingent of planes that fly around her house looking out for her.
  • And she calls CPS on people when she gets bored.
  • He's irrationally obsessed with image and wealth (or at least the illusion of it).
  • This combined with his only nodding aquaintance with the truth has some interesting results.
  • As in he will tell people that whatever he has or was or did was so high class, when it really wasn't.
  • It's actually really kind of funny to watch.
  • I'm pretty sure he's in the closet.
  • So is just about everyone else who's ever met him.
  • He trashes our house everytime he's here. Which is Wednesday, Thursday and every other weekend.
  • So I have to spend my time with the kids cleaning up his mess.
  • He also randomly moves shit.
  • Though I'm pretty sure he only does that to see if he can push me over the edge into certifiable insanity as opposed to mildly mad.
  • He's rude to Bean.
  • He doesn't have any clue how to help with homework or school projects, and doesn't remember to have the kids do either on his days.
  • He pronounces "gay" "gee".

Now do you see??

There's just so much to bitch about, I can't help myself.

It's like he's got a sign on his back that says:

Blog Fodder


9 comments:

Attila The Mom said...

Hehehe. Every time I think my ex-outlaws are a bunch of nutjobs, somebody comes along and shows me I'm not alone.

I wouldn't let that bonehead past my front door, let alone clean up after him. ;-)

Marlene said...

Sounds pretty much like my ex! Boneheads!

♥Cari♥ said...

lol!

Drake Sigar said...

With a name like Perry, I’d be pretty mad too.

Miley said...

I dislike your potentially gee ex husband.
With a passion. and really, wtf.
Dude, I didn't tell you he tried to FLIRT with me on halloween!!! All "Ohhh, did you lose weight? You look GREAT!" (insert thumbs up here)
Me "eh, a few pounds" (cuz 6 is really not that much)
Him "Only a few huh? Suuure. Really, you look good" (insert another thumbs up.)

Christy said...

I just wish there was some other way for him to see the kids that wouldn't scar them for life. It's absolutely ridiculous!

Candance said...

Tomorrow, when my ex-hubby comes to the Veteran's Day celebration our school district is doing (cause he's an actual veteran), I'm going to hug him. Because if I had to deal with what you just described, he'd be giving himself a blow job right now and it wouldn't be because he's extra limber.

Miss Nikki said...

I KNEW there was a reason I hated him. Don't you just hate it when you make a mistake and you're stuck with it for the rest of your life?

Jennifer Juniper said...

@Drake - Perry's not his actual name, but it suits him..

@Miss Nikki - that is the beauty of divorce.