Saturday, November 20, 2010

Manspeak

To wrap up my Girly week, I thought I'd go into Manspeak.

For all you guys, I just want to say that I am not claiming to be fluent in Manspeak. It's more that I understand the gist of any given situation - after all, noone but a man can truly speak Manspeak. But I speak Manspeak kind of like how well you speak German after taking it throughout high school.

The guys at work appreciate that I know some Manspeak. Because for them it translates into if I wear a low-cut top I will not get offended if they look at my boobs. They're men, if it's on display they will look. And I kindof figure that if I didn't want them to look, I shouldn't have worn that top.

My girlfriends for the most part like that I can translate for them, for instance -

You slept with him on the first date?? Nope, sorry hon, the best you're going to get is fuck buddy.

Bean loves that I understand his Manspeak. Because for him, it means that as long as he's not drooling over the gorgeous 22 year old blonde that just walked by, I don't really care if he looks. My only request is that if he's going to be obvious enough for me to notice then she better be smokin.

And Oliver is beginning to learn of my Manspeak abilities.

Mom, can you take Tallulah over there??

Translation: There's a hot girl coming and I don't want her to see me hugging my mom and holding her hand.

Mom, I'm going to air dry after my shower, so can you knock before coming in?

Translation: I'm going to play with myself for awhile. Can you guard my door from Tallulah??


But mostly I really hope that in years to come Tallulah appreciates my knowledge.

So that maybe when I tell her dressing like a whore will make boys treat her like a whore, she will listen.


7 comments:

Drake Sigar said...

Manspeak isn’t that hard to decipher because for the most part, we actually say what we mean and think.

bluzdude said...

You'll be fluent in Manspeak when you figure out a way to only talk to Bean during a game, by appearing in the "picture-in-picture" window, during commercials.

Judie said...

I thought "manspeak" was just a series of grunts!!

Christy said...

Now Drake, that is not always true. I have been married for 27 years and I can attest to the fact that men don't always say what they mean. Most of the time they think they know what we want to hear and that can be VERY WRONG!!!

The Queen said...

You could just have us pick her up on our bus tour.. a day with us,, and she will never dress like a whore..it doesn't turn out well..

Max Evel said...

I came here because I had seen the word boobies in the mix.
What can I say, I'm a guy.
;-)

Miss Nikki said...

There are times when... I no longer understand chickspeak. How does THAT translate?