Perry was over on Wednesday for his visitation with the kids and Bean was working, so I was helping Perry make dinner for the kids and trying to be sociable, because that's what grown-up, mature divorced parents do - or so I'm told.
And whenever I do something like that I try to make conversation about something completely innocuous that could never in any way be construed as being related to:
1. An attack on his parenting.
2. An attack on his manliness.
3. A comment on our crappy marriage.
4. A comment on my new wonderful marriage.
5. A comparison between my new wonderful marriage and our old crappy marriage.
6. His crazy family.
This week I chose Rowlf. He's losing his nuts next week.
And of course anytime two grown-ups (or two people in general) are having a conversation Oliver feels the need to eavesdrop.
Me: Rowlf is getting his nuts chopped off next Wednesday.
Me: Bean's taking Rowlf to get his nuts chopped off next Wednesday. Do you want him to take you next Thurday now that we know where to go?
Perry: Jenn, do you have to be so blunt? The word is neutered.
Me: So, Oliver, was that no for Rowlf's nuts or for yours??
I didn't answer Perry, because really it wasn't worth it, but I'd like to take this opportunity to answer him.
Yes, Perry, in MY kitchen while eating MY food and talking to MY children, I do have to be that blunt. And really is "neutered" so much of a better word?? At least my choice of words completely describes exactly what the procedure is going to be instead of using euphemisms and other malarkey to make someone feel better about what they're doing to their animal.
I am chopping the nuts off of my beloved dog. I signed a fucking contract saying that I would chop the nuts off of said dog before I could buy him for a third of what he was worth, and people are paying ridiculous amounts of money for what are essentially mutts - but I really wanted one. So those bad boys are coming off. But you know what?? I'd chop them off even if I didn't have a contract, because my boy still squats to pee, and he doesn't mark any territory and I like it that way.
How's that for blunt, Perry?? And you know what?? You can take your comments, your euphemisms, and your malarkey right on over to Fawk You Friday.