Monday, May 24, 2010

Evil Little Homewrecker

This post is for all of you men (who do not read my blog). I am not an evil little homewrecker.

For starters, you have to be a fairly large person to call me a little anything. Secondly, I’m not evil, and I really don’t understand why everyone thinks I am. I’m actually pretty cute and cuddly, and way too empathetic for any serious evil acts. Thirdly, I didn’t ruin your marriage, you did.

See, this all started when I got a divorce from Perry. And I didn’t do it because I was bored (even though I was), or because the non-existent sex was bad (even though it was), or because I wanted all of his money (good thing too, because he doesn’t have any).

I got a divorce because the sex was non-existent (even after 4 years of begging for it), and because Perry doesn’t like me (so he thought he should do his best to change me, or at the very least suppress my personality), and because Perry is incapable of telling the truth (especially on simple things). But, if those had been our only problems, I probably would have sucked it up. The reason I really got a divorce is because Perry has some very unsavory habits that make it impossible for me to trust him alone with my children.

Then shortly after I got my divorce, my friend Miley decided she was done. And her then husband decided that I was evil and a bad influence on her, and that’s why she wanted a divorce. It’s of course beside the point that he’s emotionally and verbally abusive, that he is a compulsive spender and that he (like Perry) can’t stand Miley and completely subjugated her Miley-ness. And that’s not even mentioning his totally Nazi-like parenting style.

So Miley got her divorce and is working on happiness now (if you’re interested you can follow that here).

After Miley came Connie. Connie’s then husband also decided that I was the reason for their divorce. Nevermind, that he has cheated on her with countless women off and on for the entirety of their 9 or so year marriage. It also doesn’t really matter that he walks the line between physical abuse and fighting, and completely crosses that line when it comes to emotional and verbal abuse.

Again, it was obviously my fault that another divorce happened.

But recently my friend, Ophalia, decide that she’d had enough. And yet again (you guessed it), it’s absolutely all my fault.

I’m sure that his lack of anything remotely resembling responsibility was not a contributing factor. And his repeated verbal barrages also had nothing to do with it. It couldn’t possibly have been that he has some moderately disturbing kinks (that she does not share) or that he’s a strong contender for Deadbeat Dad of the Year (at least in the Still Married to Mom category).

Now, for the third time, I am apparently responsible for a failed marriage that I was not a party in.

So here’s the deal guys – If you neglect, abuse, or otherwise treat your wife like shit, it’s no one’s fault but your own if she divorces your sorry ass. I realize that nobody likes to feel like they’re in the wrong, but when it comes to taking responsibility for your marriage, you really need to just grow a pair.

I didn’t turn any of your women into lesbians, and as far as I’ve been able to determine that is the only way that I could have really been the reason you got a divorce.

But if you need an apology, here you go: I'm sorry that I supported all of your wives when they cried to me about what an ass you are. And I'm sorry that I gave them the affirmation that you didn't and agreed with them that they could be good people and more importantly good mothers AND not be married to a jackass.
I'm sorry that I told them they were loveable and desireable and deserving.

My bad.

1 comment:

Chels said...

Hey, ran across this article today. Lol, maybe it really was all your fault....