Friday, September 10, 2010

Thank God It's Friday and Stick Shifts Suck

Please excuse my typos today.. blogging from my phone sucks ass.

Even though it was a 4 day week, its been long, and I'm so glad its Friday.

So - because of a very long story we did a car swap with a friend of mine and she's got my Pt Cruiser (which is an automatic), and I was supposed to have Perry's car (also an automatic) and Perry was going to have Bean's truck (a standard) and Bean's been driving my friends sweet little sporty car (also a standard).

But Perry's a dickwhistle and kept complaining and wanting gas money and just being a whiny little bitch, even though I have let him have one of our cars during his numerous car repairs and helping out my friend (who I met while we were married and he likes) is good Christian helpfulness.

I got tired of listening to it and dealing with it.

So last Friday Perry was over with the kids and the truck and I decided to fuck it all and teach myself how to drive the truck.

Let me be clear though - I have attempted to learn to drive a stick shift twice. Once with Perry about 10 years ago, but he starting crying (almost literally) when I stalled and didn't shift perfectly after 2 minutes behind the wheel of his precious Corolla. And once with Bean about a year ago, but it was in a moderately full and small parking lot and it made me nervous.
I've known the theory for a good 15 years from my bitchy cousin Mia's super awesome husband. He drove an old Beetle and let me shift and all that good stuff. Mr. Mia's cool. Especially when you're 15 and he's kinda hot.

Anyway, so I plopped my ass in the truck and stalled five times before I managed to move took off. I will say that I look hot in a truck, but not so much when I'm spluttering down the road.

The whole weekend I drove around with the kids in the "backseat" screaming "We're gonna die!!" - which we were not in any danger of at the time. However this week driving it in rush hour traffic I kinda was. Every other morning in my PT there are no broke down vehicles in the middle of the freeway or stop and go bullshit. But now that I can't stop without stalling, EVERY SINGLE MORNING there's been something. Its like Murphys Law or something.

And I almost always kill it coming into our fucked up parking lot that of course has a driveway that's on an incline.

AND that's not even mentioning my performance anxiety whenever there's anyone behind me at a light or a stop sign.. that's good for at least 3 stalls - more if the douchecanoe's up my ass.

I get my gorgeous baby back next week, and I can't wait.


Miley (woman:confused) said...

well, they say practice makes perfect...
Although I would vote for practicing to go to church & the grocery store - not your commute. Blegh!
Although b/c of perry, well... yea it's better to do the commute+stick

Timoteo said...

Most women I've known were pretty good at handling the stick.

Aunt Crazy said...

This made me laugh, really hard, in my cubicle at work.

Judie said...

Well, I can drive a stick shift, but do I want too? NO!

Christy said...

I was about 12 when I learned how to drive a stick shift. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times I killed it. LOL

Sara said...

I have no clue how to drive a stick, but I admire your moxie in teaching yourself.

Also, while my car is a shitty little '97 Nissan, I hate the thought of anyone else driving it or me having to drive someone else's car.

I'm possessive, apparently.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

When I met the starter husband I had a car with manual transmission.. he had NO clue how to a stick shift (unless you count his own dick) SOO I had to teach him. It was "grind em till you find 'em" for the gears for a while.

Crazy Brunette said...

Shit bitch- I can't drive a stick to save my life!!!