Monday, July 19, 2010

Barbituates, Bean and Why I'm Sleeping on the Couch Tonight

**DISCLAIMER**
This is actually kind of a gross posting now that I've read through it. So if you don't want to know entirely too much about Bean's bodily functions, you might want to wait until tomorrow**

There's actually at least two reasons I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight - the first is for blogging about this, but you know, Bean didn't specifically tell me not to, so that's just like permission, right??

And the second reason will come later.

Patience my friends.

So, our wonderful date weekend was interrupted (very rudely) by food poisoning (or a stomach bug, or a really convincing psychosematic illness* - but whatever it is, it's not pleasant).

Yup, that's right, in the middle of the night Saturday, Bean started with the vomiting and all that goes along with a stomach something.

He started to feel better on Sunday morning, so we thought that maybe he'd be ok for "Wicked", but then, like clockwork, a few minutes after checkout time, he got even worse.

Now, I'm one of those people that starts gagging the minute I hear someone else doing the same, so being in a hotel room where the other-room-where-I-can't-hear-you options are slim was not pleasant.

I finally got him to let me take him home about 3 hours later, but he was being pretty insistant that I not only go to "Wicked" but that I also use the hotel room and since really there was nothing I could do for him, I did.

I took Oliver and we had a really good time, but that's another post.

Today I went to work and Bean called and asked me to get his prescriptions. No problem.

Yeah, right.

Did ya'll know that they card you now at the pharmacy whenever you get the good drugs?

I found this out when I got out of the hospital and tried to go pick up my vicodin. I had just gotten out of the hospital and Mom wasn't being very motherly and was procrastinating over getting my drugs, so being the passive-agressive bitch that I am, I showed her and went myself.

So I drove my sore, cut up, seriously bloated ass to the pharmacy really wishing that I was picking up something stronger than vicodin and the bitch carded me.

I was still wearing a hospital bracelet and the bitch carded me.

I had to hobble my sore, cut up, seriously bloated and peeved self out to the car and dig through Bean's bag to find my wallet to get my drugs.

Not cool.

Anyway, today I went to get Bean's prescriptions and the same bitch was there and carded me again.

So I'm thinking - Is she doing this because she's a power-hungry bitch and gets off on inconveniencing people or did Bean get some good drugs??

Turns out he got some barbituates.

So if you're anything like me, you're thinking these are sleeping pills, or pain pills maybe.

Nope.

They're anti-gas pills.

Because he has trapped gas.

He just took the pills, and that would be why I will be sleeping on the couch tonight. Because Bean is sometimes a stinky guy without barbituates. With them?? Yeah, I don't imagine it will be pleasant.


*For the record, I don't really think that Bean has a psychosematic illness. I'm not quite that girly. But there is a little voice in my head (we'll call her Bonnie) who likes to whisper things to me about how he happened to get sick in the middle of our romantic weekend.

9 comments:

Christy said...

Yeah, I'd be sleeping on the couch too. It isn't much fun here sometimes on a normal day so I fully understand.

Miss Nikki said...

Could have been worse. He could have puked ON you during the ultimate "romantic week-end" act (like all over your back?) Hope you get a 2nd chance at a getaway.

bluzdude said...

Guys would never throw up on purpose, especially when there's lovin' on the horizon. No way he was faking...

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Hope Bean gets better soon and hope you don't get it next.

woman:confused said...

Nikki - on your BACK?! girl... I am not surprised you said that but... whoa nelly! haha

Jenn - if you need to put him in a "home" for a few days, I will volunteer mine. I would say YOU could just come here but you'd have to bring the kids and as much as I love them, I like the quiet of mine being gone. BUT, Bean is welcome to fart up a storm here. And puke.

Best Kept Secrets said...

I've heard about places that now require a prescription for sudafed. Now I get meth labs everywhere around but if I just have a cold I dont want to go to the doctor for a prescription. Ridiculous. Hope he's feeling better

Candance said...

There's a CVS I can never return to because I screamed at them that I can barely cook a pot of spaghetti, much less whip up a pot of meth, so I really needed them to just give me the damn cold medicine. I may or may not have also pointed at my teeth and hollered about not doing meth. Turns out, the medicine was just recalled.

I have a voice in my head that tells me stuff, too. I let her speak with my mouth today. That went well.

woman:confused said...

Candance - omg... You are cracking me up!

Jennifer Juniper said...

Miley - I would NEVER do that to you. But thank you for the offer.
Candace - I like the voice in your head - she's fun.