Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Vacation Part 1 - My InHuman Self Control


Well, since I’ve last been diligent with my blogging, I’ve been very busy. I’ll break it down into manageable portions for you, because it’s kind of a long story.

First of course was the trip to Switzerland Colorado.

Obviously, I didn’t die.

But the flights to and fro and all things baggage related were horrendous. We’ll start with the nightmare of just getting the bags to the airport.

Bean picked me up from work, and on the way to the airport, I got a call from Perry (ex-husband) screaming at me asking me where his bags for the weekend were.

How the fuck am I supposed to know?? I was at work all day. Why don’t you look up your ass??

No, I didn’t say that. I told him I didn’t know, and maybe he should look around.
He called back when were looking for parking and told me he thought we had his bags. I turned around and he was right.

Here’s where my superb self-control started to kick in.

Not once did I call Bean an idiot for grabbing the wrong bags. Even though I specifically told him that he had a black suitcase and Perry has a massive black duffel bag and Bean carries his little carryon bag with him to work every day. So you’d think that he would know that it’s not Perry’s laptop case.

I also did not call Perry a fucktard for putting his bags down right next to Bean’s when he knew that we were leaving for the airport that afternoon or for waiting to call until we were almost to the airport instead of right after Bean left the house.

So we turned around and went home for the bag exchange. And I shit you not, when I asked Perry to get things together for the swap, he actually asked me:

Does this suitcase need to be zipped?

And people wonder why I divorced the dickwhistle.


bluzdude said...

As if air travel wasn't stressful enough by itself...

Miss Nikki said...

Wouldn't it be funny if the fucktard wore leotards? He'd be the leotard fucktard... I'm also confused as to why your luggage got mixed up. Hope the fucktard doesn't live with you?

Jennifer Juniper said...

He doesn't actually live with us, but he takes his visitation at our house, so he's there every other weekend.

Miss Nikki said...

OH - MY - FUCKIN - GOD!!! Bean is a saint! The douchebagfucktarddickwhistle is... at YOUR house every. other. weekend??? Oh my... Oh my... I'm just imagining my wonderful exes spending the week-end with us. Oh my. How do you do it? (Sorry that's my 1st Corona doing the talking, it's obviously taken over my keyboard!)

Jennifer Juniper said...

Bean is a saint. Mostly we hide, but he's not trustworthy enough for unsupervised visitation and he's not crooked enough for no visitation (which would be SO awesome for me).

It sucks big time - he trashes the house, eats our food, uses the washer & dryer and never puts things back where they belong. But the kids are safe.