Friday, June 18, 2010

Bean Bean the Magical Fruit!!

I don't have very many male readers, so I don’t know that I’m going to get a good answer here, but maybe ya’ll have some new theories for me..

Why is it that Bean insists on telling me about gross bodily functions??

Like the other night he texted me saying how I was so glad he was at work and not at home because he had bad gas, and then last night he brought it up again only this time he elaborated and explained how 5 sprays of industrial strength air freshener did nothing, and the other guys in the office walked through the office next door to go the bathroom just so they didn’t have to walk through his stench.

Why did I need to know this??

Or

When he’s in the bathroom for 45 minutes and then comes out and says to me “you might want to use the kids’ bathroom tonight, because I just stunk up our bathroom.”

Because I couldn’t have deduced that??

I just don’t get it. I mean, we've only been married for 6 months - I feel like we’re still in the stage where it’s not okay for me to even burp in front of him. And I kind of feel like it should never be okay for me to fart in front of him if I can help it.

Hell, I wait for him to leave the house before taking care of any serious bathroom business, because that’s kind of gross and I really do feel like there are some things that just should not be shared.

9 comments:

Snaily.. said...

Although I'm not married, or even near that.. I can't even BURP in front of a guy, OR a girl for that matter! Shrek was wrong, it is NOT better out than in!

Christy said...

My brothers once had a debate about snot. Nothing surprises me. You stay a least 10 rungs above him on the ladder of decency and you'll be fine. I am now a follower and can't wait till tomorrow. Lead on! I'm at http://christys62.blogspot.com/

cathyjoy said...

lmao! that's so funny! i think men are proud of it not matter what they say!

Marlene said...

I'm not a dude...but I may as well be. I have no qualms about farting in front of my husband. None whatsoever. I have no qualms about farting in the aisle of a store and quickly leaving the unsuspecting dawdler to wonder where the stench came from, either. Nope.

I do need "home field advantage" for crapping, though. Can't do it in a public restroom unless it's a dire emergency. Just can't.

That didn't help, did it??

Timoteo said...

Some guys are just like that and don't give it much thought! But for me, romance and farts don't mix, so when guys (or gals) get to the stage of indiscriminately farting around you--and not even trying to hide it--they may be subconsciously telling you that the romantic, or infatuation stage has run its course...
Now its time for the "I don't especially care what I look like or what I do around you because, like, duh...we're MARRIED, you know" stage to begin!
This is the stage most marriages eventually fall into--but you can still fight for romance by declaring "NO FARTING" zones. (The bedroom is a good place to start!)

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Its not a good answer, but its the only one I got. ..... Its a man thing. I think it goes back to the caveman days. He who has the biggest, most odorous, most offensive must mean they have the most to eat, etc. Thereby making them a good provider/mate for the cavewomen. Either that or they are just pigs?

Jennifer Juniper said...

You guys are hilarious..

Marlene - I've got no problems with the drive-bys at Target.. but to me there's something about farting and acknowledging your bathroom business that kills the sexy..

Timoteo - Thank you, I needed a guy.. and I love your idea, I may have to try that.

Miss Nikki said...

More and more I am convinced I am man in a woman's body (with manly boxy square shoulders, but I'm not a butch ok I'm not a butch). Notice the lace on the picture? There problem solved.

BUT...

I always feel the need to share on my daily pooping adventures. One day I texted my co-worker that I'd just pooped a baby seal shaped hard one. Nobody wants to hear about my poop rantings. Now I find out you don't want to hear about it either... muaaahhhh!

Where can a chick go to share such stuff? Need a " socially neurotic, slightly ocd 30+ women who talk about poop & farts group" Anybody interested? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? (*wink-wink* to Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Jennifer Juniper said...

Nikki - you can talk about your poops all you want, I'm not sleeping with you - I'm just saying that it kinda kills the mood when Bean's all - "Can you wait for me to poop and then we'll get jiggy with it??"