Tuesday, June 29, 2010

She’ll be Screamin’ Round the Mountain When She Comes

The whole Switzerland Colorado trip has me thinking about my first experience going there, and it was one of those things that was NOT funny to me, but probably was fucking hilarious to everyone else.

I drove us the whole 18 hours to get there, because Bean was still pretty sick. And I’m from Houston. We don’t have hills much less mountains.

For most of the drive I was fine. I like to drive on roadtrips. But then we got to Raton Pass.

Me: Why do they have the pictures of rocks on the side of the road??

Bean: That’s to tell you to watch out for falling boulders

Me: Excuse me?!?!

Bean: It’s okay honey. There won’t be any falling boulders.

Me Ok.

Me: What do the signs about crosswinds mean??

Bean: Ummmm…..

Me: What?!?!

Bean: Well, they mean that, um, the crosswinds are sometimes strong enough to knock over an eighteen wheeler. But-they-are-not-that-strong-tonight-so-don’t-worry.

Me: A FUCKING EIGHTEEN WHEELER COULD BE KNOCKED OFF OF THE STUPID FUCKING MOUNTAIN!!!!! THE SAME ONE THAT YOU ARE HAVING ME DRIVE ON?!?!?!?!?

Bean: Baby, it’s the only way to get to BFE. It’s gonna be fine. You’re doing great.

Me (starting to cry): Ok…… DOES THAT FUCKING SIGN SAY MOOSE CROSSING?!?!?!? THE MOOSES CAN NOT CROSS!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!! IS THAT A FUCKING MOOSE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?!?!?!?! IT IS!!!!!!!! BEAN, TELL THE FUCKING MOOSE TO STAY PUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bean: The mooses are staying, baby. It’s okay. You’re doing great.

Me (tears now streaming down my face): I AM NOT DOING GREAT!!!!! I’M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 comments:

BigSis said...

Note to self - never driving to or in Colorado. I'm convinced.

Christy said...

I've lived there and I'm with Bean. It'll be ok. LOL

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

BFE must be very close to Hooterville that way. Deer, moose, and bears. OH MY!

♥Cari♥ said...

I drove over 2 mountain passes to work every day, in COlorado, so I totally know what you are talking about. lol You do get used to it though. Turns into no big thing really :)

Jennifer Juniper said...

Big sis - I don't recommend it.. it was bad before the mooses threatened to jump out at me.

Christy - I'm sure its not bad for Coloradoians, or even adventurous outdoor people, but I have "city girl" tattooed on my ass, and the biggest "mountain" I had driven by prior to that was at the mulch place.

Holly - I honestly have no idea where BFE is other than too far from Denver & Colorado Springs to go shopping.

Cari - thank you for feeling my pain.

Ally said...

I loved visiting the Denver and Boulder area. I didn't want to leave, I wished we could move there. I think I remember those signs though!

KLZ said...

I genuinely enjoy that it's the MOOSE that put you over the edge.

Jennifer Juniper said...

That's because I'm a total city girl - I must have a mall within 30 minutes.
And in the city (at least my city), the biggest animal that might jump out at you is a dog - and they usually run away, even in headlights.
And little things just make thumps not booms as you come to a complete stop so that the boulders can catch you and the wind can make you fly away.

cathyjoy said...

just wanted to tell you that i think i'm in love with you and you can tweeze my unibrow anytime!!

Marlene said...

Can I come?!! I wanna see a moose!!!

Judie said...

OMG!! I think I know exactly where you were! I have never been so scared driving in all my life. What's with Colorado and no fucking guard rails????

I could hardly wait to get home!

Evonne said...

That would scare me, too. And now seeing the comment above me about no guard rails? Hell, no! No Colorado for me!

Best Kept Secrets said...

I would be scared too. I'm terrified of all sorts of things while driving, stuff falling off cars.

bluzdude said...

At least there were no Falling Moose signs.

Jennifer Juniper said...

Cathyjoy - That may be the coolest thing anyone has ever said to me!! And just for the record, I did get to pluck Bean's uni-brow tonight and it was hilarious, only he told me I couldn't blog about it. :(

Judie & Evonne - yeah, no guard rails.. I guess it spoils the scenery??

Bluz - Can mooses fall?? Because that would be an entirely new set of issues??