Sunday, June 27, 2010

Serious Sunday

I really don’t like bitching about my horrible existence here, because it really puts a damper on the fun, but a girl’s gotta bitch somewhere, right??

So I’m thinking, Sundays. Sundays can be serious, and the rest of the week will just be crazy ole’ me. I’m really hoping that most of the time it’s like when you get your head stuck in the toilet seat – you know, NOT funny for you, but everyone else thinks its fucking hilarious, but we’ll see.

Ya’ll I need a shrink, bad.

If last week’s meltdown wasn’t enough to convince me, then there’s no hope.

But I don’t have a shrink, and I don’t have a lot of extra time, either I’ve got the kids or I’m ferrying them where they need to be so that I can not have the kids. Where in that am I going to put an appointment?? I don’t have time to screw around with the wrong kind of shrink for me, I need to pre-screen that shit.

So, as is my way, I concocted an imaginary conversation that I need to have with perspective shrinks’ receptionists..

Receptionist: Hello Shrink's office!

Me: Hi, I need a shrink, but I need you to answer a couple of questions before I decide if you're shrink is the shrink for me.

Receptionist: Umm.. ok??

Me: Can I cuss to you shrink, not at him, just to him? I mean, is he easily offended?

Receptionist: Umm.. I suppose??

Me: Ok, and is he pro crazy monkey sex??

Receptionist: I'm sorry??

Me: I mean, not that I'm a sex addict, because I'm not, I just really like sex, and I want a shrink who approves of that.. Fuck. I sound like a sex addict. Nevermind.

See the problem here??


Christy said...

Hey Jennifer! Come join us on Fridays. We have the Fawk You Friday blog hop and it's always a lot of fun. Hope to see you there.

bluzdude said...

I believe they have a chapter on the therapeutic qualities of Hot Monkey Love in all the Shrink Textbooks. You should be OK there.

Timoteo said...

I love how the receptionist answers the phone: "Hello, shrink's office." That's rich.

Kristy said...

Perhaps what you want is a sex therapist....not a shrink??? I am pretty sure that sex therapists believe in all kinds of sex......and I bet they are pretty hard to offend.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Maybe you just need to buy some really hot porn and flavored lube and go hit it?

Jennifer Juniper said...

Oooh.. I like that idea Holly.. Only there's no purchasing necessary. We're pretty well stocked in that department. Priotities and all.

And Kristy - I'm not addicted to sex!!!!!

Sarah R said...

LOL!!! Okay, here is something I do. Like, I think of things I could do in certain situations and wonder how the person would react. Like, I'll be talking to someone really nice and I think in my head, what would she do if I hit her in the head with my shoe? They're like, crazy impulsive thoughts and I've never acted on them, but I can't not think these things. I do interviews as part of my job at work and I even think things then, yet I manage to come off as a professional. I AM professional, but my thoughts are not!

Jennifer Juniper said...

Sarah - I love you!! I've had those thoughts before - like, I wonder if I could get away with beating the living shit out of my sister?? Nah. She's got claws and fangs.. not worth it..

Sarah R said...

LOL, glad you can relate! It makes me less (more?) crazy!