Welcome Friday Followers!!
I'm so excited that you chose to come visit me, it gives me warm fuzzies and whatnot..
Just to give you a little intro & the cast of characters..
I'm moderately insane and by that I mean that I can hold down a job and everything, and usually manage to act pretty normal, but the stuff that goes through my head, that's an entirely different story..
I'm the mother of two brilliant children who totally embody my multiple personalities..
Oliver is crazy - he's all over the place, thinks normal is highly over-rated, and he has a real problem with staying in the box.. He's 10 and is currently calling himself "Majesto the Magnificent".
Tallulah is straight and narrow - she NEEDS rules and if you don't give them to her, she gets upset. She's 6 and keeps the family calendar, by her request.
I'm divorced from the kids dad - good riddance to bad rubbish.
And I'm married to the love of my life, Bean.
Bean is a cancer survivor, more random than I am (if that's possible) and he spoils me rotten - he wakes me up with a cup of coffee every morning..
My mother lives with us, and for the most part that works, but sometimes I think we're a little too crazy for her - or maybe she's too normal for us??
And this is my blog - it's the place where I let it all hang out. I cuss alot and post more or less whatever's on my mind, from kid antics, to work drama, to insane meltdowns and then some.
Now that we've got that out of the way, let's play a little game. And for the record, I totally stole this idea from jChristy at I'm Just Sayin'.
What's your worse foot-in-mouth moment?? Or. If you're one of those people who never has foot-in-mouth moments, then tell us about someone else's.
I don't have foot-in-mouth moments, I have foot-in-mouth syndrome. I'm forever saying shit that I shouldn't. For example:
At the company Christmas party Bean & I were sitting across from the President (of our company, not of the United States) and his wife. And everything was going great. We're chatting & Mrs. President was all nice and stuff. But she kept asking questions, and really you shouldn't ask me and Bean questions if you don't really want the answers. So before I know it Mr. & Mrs. President are getting my whole fucking life story and half way through I finally start listening to myself, and I realize that I have now told my boss and his stick up the ass wife that I have two children by two different fathers neither of whom is with me at this party.
Fuck.
Then it gets worse. I start backtracking (because my stupid ass can't leave well enough alone) and trying to explain how I'm not a whore or anything I just have bad luck with men, or maybe men just suck, or maybe I'm an idiot, or maybe just have verbal diarrhea.
Double Fuck.
And then Mrs. President looks at me and says Are we going to be quizzed on this later?
Triple Fuck.
At the next company party Mr. President assigned seating and put me & Bean as far away from him & Mrs. President as possible.
So make me feel better. What's your foot-in-mouth moment??
9 comments:
I've got the syndrome, too. Recently, I met our secretary from work out and about. She had an older (I thought) lady with her. I said "Oh, you brought your mother with you!" Nope. It was her best friend who is only 40 but looks like a granny. Oops!
I'm a new follower. You're my kind of blogger. I can tell.
One day in band camp... a group of colleagues and I are sitting around eating lunch. Talking about baby names. I go on a rant about the name "Henry". How it's not kid appropriate, it's a name for old people. Who would ever ever call their kid Henry. Of course you know what happened. My boss pulls out her wallet shows me a pic of her 2-year old, named Henry.
Many many moons ago I got the chance to audition for this really cool talk-show radio program. The interview is going peanut butter smooth. Then the producer sits me in a booth for trial segments. Mock interviews with guests and stuff. Then asks me to ad-lib for 5 minutes since that often happens with technical difficulties. I had just finished my a 2-month contract in a summer camp. So I talk about that, and funny stories. Then end up talking about how kids can be cruel, and wondering about it, when I give the example of one kid throwing a collection of the teddy bears from the younger ones in the outhouse. I lost the job because of the gross details of having to get the teddy bears and what we had to do to get them clean... Who would have thought they don't like to hear about poop oozing through your fingers on the radio?
Friday Follower and fellow Jennifer here! I love your blog and your post. I have several foot in mouth moments but I can't really think of any at the moment. Your family sounds like they are awesome! I would love to have you stop by my blog.
Stopping by from Friday follow..I already follow you though :)
http://carissa8402.blogspot.com
My biggest foot in mouth stuff has to do with my boyfriend's mom. He will tell me not to say stuff, and then I will in a round about way. NOt on purpose, but yeah. LOL
Probably when I walked in on a male boss in the bathroom at work. Totally his fault, he didnt lock the door. To make matters worse, I stand there and keep looking at him, then blurt out "jesus christ man, how old are you? Dont you know to lock the goddamn door when your pissing!!" In my defense, I was really sick, had a fever and was whacked out on cold medicine.
One good thing did come out of it though.. he never bothered with me again. I was golden after that =]
I love that you cuss like a pirate...I'm a pirate! Cancer sucks, I am so happy that your husband is a survivor that is amazing!
Following you back! Hope your weekend is rockin!
See if you can beat this one: I was manning a booth at this street fair when this friend/guy I used to work with comes up...I hadn't seen him in quite a while...he has this DOG with him and I say: "HEY, WHO'S THAT--YOUR WIFE?" He says no, THIS is my wife, and he steps aside to reveal a young woman standing behind him who didn't seem exactly pleased to meet me...to his credit, my friend tried to explain to her that I couldn't have known he'd gotten married, but at that point I needed a hole to crawl into!
A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, (Parma OH in 1986) I was managing a mall record store and had an employee named Laurie.
On Halloween afternoon, a couple of Laurie's friends came in, wearing all black clothes, with ripped stockings, black fingernail polish and lipstick.
Laurie introduced me to them and I kind of looked at them quizzically, before going, "Oh yeah... I forgot... it's Halloween."
They stared holes through my chest until I realized that they weren't dressed that way for Halloween; that was their usual attire.
You guys are awesome.. it's so nice to know that I'm not alone!!
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