Leave Bean Alone Dammit

I’m irritated bordering on outraged.

See, I’m not really one of those people who really tells other people off. I mean, if you ask my opinion, you’re going to get it, and I might make a smart-ass comment if you’re being a douche-canoe, but other that I prefer quiet fuming.

But lately all sorts of people have been making comments about Bean in my hearing. For starters, that’s just about the ballsiest thing I can think of anyone doing, talking about my husband while I'm standing right there – even including making comments about me in my hearing.

But besides all that, most of the comments I hear are about health related issues.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned it before here, but my husband is a fucking walking limping miracle. (If you really want the whole dramatic story, follow the *, if not, take my word for it and continue.) So when people make comments about him, it pisses me off, big time.

I mean if I want to call him the Uni-baller, that’s okay – it’s my toy to make fun of. And if you want to laugh at my uni-baller jokes, still cool.

But to make random comments about the health of ANYONE who has survived that much shit, is insensitive and wrong.

I mean, if you want to say something about how I’m a hypochondriac and the only real headaches I have are 6 and 10. That’s fine. I do have migraines, and they hurt like a bitch, but they’re just migraines and you're right, a good percentage of them start with the insanely loud noises Oliver and Talullah insist on making.

But Bean has a license to puke in public, gimp everywhere he goes, fall down anytime he damn well pleases, and sleep all damn day long.

And yet, for the most part, the only one of those he does is gimp. He’s a fucking super-hero. I don’t think anyone else I know could deal with the shitty hand he was dealt and still be functioning, much less laughing about it and taking care of a family and a high-maintenance-crazy-as-hell wife.

So I don’t want to hear any comments about it. From anyone. Ever.


*The super long, dramatic and ultimately triumphant story is that in the Spring of 2008 Bean was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had the testicle removed, and started chemo in June. Shortly after his last round of chemo, Labor Day 2008, he went into hospital where he had a seizure and was intubated. Hurricane Ike hit Houston on September 13, 2008, so Bean was evacuated, with all of his systems shut down - he was on dialysis and had a collapsed lung on top of the intubation and the fucking power kept flickering.. Long story shorter, he more or less almost died about 5 times. I think I slept a total of 24 hours that whole month, it was a fucking nightmare.

19 days after he went under, he woke up and has been getting better since. Like I said, my husband is a fucking super-hero.


And in case you were wondering, Bean is still cancer-free.