Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Outing of Jennifer Juniper

I promised this story to Aunt Crazy when she complained about not being able to email replies to my comments.

I could also have titled this:

"Shit You May Have To Go Through If You Want To Be My Friend"

Here you go Aunt Crazy. Just for you because I love you that much.

And also because it's amusing as hell. If you're not me at the time.

I took Oliver to the doctor a few weeks ago for some chest pains he was having (he's fine - it was a bruise, nothing cardiac) and while we were in the waiting room I decided to catch up on my family blog reading, since they had actually posted which they never do.

There were some pictures of a recent home improvement project over at #2's house and I went to comment about how cute it was, typed in my hotmail address and password and..


Jennifer Juniper popped up as the Google ID.

delete delete delete!!!!

You cannot open a popup window because you already have one open



What to do?

What to do??

What the fuck am I going to fucking do??

Diva Chels is at work. No computer.

Cara & Connie are blogger illiterate.

Fuck me.

Fuck me running with a sword.

I know you guys don't know #2 and Mrs. #2, but they're great. I love them to pieces.


Mrs. #2 is more neurotic than I am (yeah, I know you didn't think that was possible), and her mother, who is one of my favorite aunts (from the other side of the family - it's complicated) sees conditions and problems where they aren't. Plus, Mrs. #2 is so innocent that I think I'd probably shock her with my blunt and snarkey ways.

#2 is as mellow as they come, and really kind of accepts me for who I am, but he's gotten close to Amara recently, and I don't think he really wants to hear me bash her like I do. And his parents, who I bow down in awe of, and adore, are almost too conservative to function, and hate it when I say "darn" in their presence.

So you can see why I wouldn't really want them as readers as much as I love them. If this shit got out, there'd be a big ole' come to Jesus family meeting and JJ would be one pissed off camper.

Also keep in mind that Amara, my bitch of a sister, with the lazer beam eyes and the nails of steal and the heart of stone was the comment right before mine.

Where was I??

Oh yeah.

Fuck me running with a multi-twigged branch.


Miley's unemployed.

Miley's TOTALLY blogger literate.

Me: Are you at home?

Miley: Yes.

Me: I'm fucked.

Miley: eh?

Me: insert the whole explanation that I already gave you guys

Miley: ookay..

Me: So can you go log in and delete my comment??

Miley: Oh, yeah, no problem, what's your password?

Me: insert me telling Miley my ridiculously long and hacker-proof password

Miley sheesh, woman.. ok, I'll take care of it.

So I breathed a small sigh of relief.

Then I realized.

When someone posts a comment on my blog, I get an email.

And in that email, if I click on their name, it goes to their profile.

That's when the text messages started flying.

Miley: Done.

Me: Does it say who deleted the comment??

Miley: Nope - I went back and checked.

Me: God I hope he doesn't have it set up to email him about comments but it probably does and then I'm totally fucked!!

Miley: Nah you'd be ok. I think. I'll tell you what it looks like, I don't think there's a link to a site.

Me: But it says who left the comment and they might go digging.

Me: Does it have their profile pic??

Miley: Eh go change your user name real quick?

Me: I'm all fucking paranoid now!!

Miley: Calm down hon.

Miley: No pic.

Me: No. I'm not going to let nosy family members make me change my blog stuff.

There was more. But mostly it boiled down to us deciding that there was indeed a link in the emails and Miley agreeing to go take down all the identifying information from my profile and making it private for awhile so that at least they wouldn't be able to follow it back to link up to the blog. Because while I can do that from my phone, it's a pain in the ass.

And that, my dear Aunt Crazy is why you couldn't reply via email to my comments, but no longer, my profile is back for your viewing pleasure and reply to your heart's content.

By the way, I saw #2 this weekend and he did get the email, did know it was from me, and said he doesn't care, and insinuated that he'll keep Mrs. #2 off my back. We'll see.

Either way, I've decided that I don't care. If the family wants to come and read the blog that I didn't tell them about, that I don't particularly want them to read, then let them.

Maybe we'll weed out some of the dickwhistles, fucktards and douchecanoes and then at least my Christmas list will be shorter.


Aunt Crazy said...

Wow...just wow...LMFAO

Anonymous said...

haha. Wow!

That reminds me to check and double check if/when I leave comments on ppl like #2's blogs.

Kelly said...

The only family member that knows about my blog is hubs. I'm pretty sure he does not read it. I'm sure I would have gotten an earful b/c I was totally ragging on my MIL recently!

Christy said...

See I had this issue with the stalker. For a while I didn't have a public profile either. I'm now out in the open so to speak because she's just a bitch and I don't care. Other than that, only my daughter knows about this one so I'm good.

KLZ said...

This sounds exactly like the type of paranoia I am striken with. And why, although my in-laws are life illiterate in addition to blog illiterate, I go out of my way not to talk about them on my site.

They are crazy, insane people and I cannot handle that shit.

Sara said...

You're colorful.

I like you.

Cecelia Winesap said...

Too funny! But not if you're you. I've done crap like that's the worst feeling in the world.

Sandra said...

You're hilarious! How have I not come across you sooner! I feel I have gained an accomplice in the game of life!...well in the blogger world at least!

Chels said...

Well, sweetums, no worries in the future. I promise to never take another job where I don't have a computer with actual internet access. So if any other blog emergencies come up, I've got you

Miss Nikki said...

More than once I made mistakes on my blog leading to my identity. I would not have survived a single day as Batman...

Dani said...

Wwll shit. I invited my family LMAO I hear about my cussing daily but I dont care :) As a matter of fact, my mother is having me build her a blog. LOL I guess I dont give a shit who reads it LMAO I am my own person. And I am cruel at times LOL

Sarah R said...

LOL. I keep my blog private from family too. I keep seeing in my FeedJit someone from the area is viewing my blog. It could be a random person who stumbled across it, or it could be someone I know. Either way, they are not commenting so now I feel like there's a spy.

Candance said...

Hold the phone. I've been replying to your comments, but you haven't been getting them because I couldn't actually reply to your comments? Well shit.

My cousin found my blog when Grace opened the gates of hell and friended her and her daughter on the Facebook, leading to her friending me and me not being able to get it off my profile before she found it. She's crazy conservative but hopefully she's do caught up in peddling Mary Kay and trying to force the rest of us to do it she hasn't read anymore because I think I made fun of her in a post.

That's the long way to say I feel ya.

Daisygirl said...

hahaha! Seriously thank for the craziest laugh ever!!!!

woman:confused said...

That was good times...
I'm glad #2 didn't say anything and didn't care. I like #2. He's good people.

Marlene said...

I was sitting on the edge of my seat reading this, cuz I can just imagine the feeling of anxiety!! LOL!!!

bluzdude said...

I'm glad you were able to mitigate the fallout. Could have been worse!

My family knows I blog; most of them don't really care. The parents are regular readers because when I first started, I was desperate for SOMEONE to read... I figured they were obligated to tell me how brilliant I was.

I really only keep the blog anonymous half-heartedly. It's fun to have an alter-ego that's more interesting than you are.

Best Kept Secrets said...

I'm paranoid of this happening to me! Though I only have one family member that blogs (that I know of), just anyone else finding out my true identity.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

This makes me even more thankful I'm the only blogger ( that I know of ) in my family.

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