Friday, August 20, 2010

Letters of Intent


Dear Children,

I may have to kill your father. I'd like to tell you all about the reasons behind it, but I'm afraid you wouldn't really understand, and I also don't want to scar you for life, so you'll just have to wonder.

Your Mother

Dear Self,

You look fabulous, simply fabulous. Those new jeans make your ass look amazing, and the cute tops give this insane illusion of boobs.
I promise.

So stop feeling self conscious.

Your Self

Dear Niece,

What the hell is up with you anyway??

I support any decision you choose to make, but I have to know what the decision is before I can support it, and cryptic facebook messages are no substitution for actual information.

Your Aunt


Sara said...

My mom likes to tell me probably once or twice a week that she's going to kill my dad.

I usually assume she has a good reason, shrug and say, "Fair enough."

I'm sure your kids will understand.

Amy said...

Ha Ha Ha! Try not to kill him. You kids probably like having him around! LOL

I wish I looked good in my jeans and tops.... not quite there yet!

Oh facebook...nothing on facebook can truly be understood! I hope you get a clear message soon!

Happy Friday!

Anonymous said...

I am too ticked off at fb these days, it is overrated.

I can't blame you for wanting to kill him but the kids might want to keep him around.

Marlene said...

It took me some time before I figured out that half my teenager daughter's facebook messages were actually song lyrics. Who knew? I'm such an OLD SCHOOL twat.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Those were excellent letters of intent! I don't think we've met before (I'm Beth) but I will definitely be back! I like bloggers who make me laugh!

woman:confused said...

I'm still voting for a trade on the "kill the ex" thing BUT... neither of us are crafty enough to get away with it so that plan won't work.
HOWEVER, if you tell me what Perry did, I promise to stop by his office on any given Friday (since I'm off) and pull him outside and make his tiny nuts retreat inside his body.
You know I'm good at that.
Besides, I told him like 8 years ago (at the wedding) if he ever did anything to you he'd regret it. I don't feel I've lived up to my end of the bargain.

woman:confused said...

PS, I'm testing something out...

Foursons said...

Uh oh- sounds like hubby may be sleeping outside with the dog tonight! Do you have a dog?

Cryptic FB status updates irritate me so badly. If you can't say it, don't say anything.

Thanks for linking up!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Doesn't your husband get a message? I think he deserves a warning before you put a bullet in his liver.